I feel a little choked up as I type this. Because today is World Prematurity Day. Because my awareness of preemies has become more and more real over the last five years. Through the births of three preemies.
Barrett. Born at 36 weeks. 4 lbs 9 oz.
Jonah. Born at 36 weeks. 4 lbs 11 oz.
Harrison. Born at 32 weeks. 3 lbs.
They say, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Man. I guess life gives all of us moments to test that theory with unexpected happenings. So if you would have asked me after we had our first, I would have said Yes. Yes he does. Or at least, it is my belief that he gives you more than you ever think you could possibly endure. Because while I wouldn’t change one single morsel of our boys’ existence, three preemies was a lot more than I ever could have possibly believed I could handle. It wasn’t just emotionally difficult feeling guilty for not having carried the babies as long as many others do, but also took many months into the first year to work through the kinks of having been brought into the world early. And it was not until we had Harrison… Until one of the neonatologists said it that it all clicked into place. I hadn’t been a frazzled mother with our first two. I will never forget the moment she said the words to me… Preemies… Whether one week early or two months are different. They are hard. They shouldn’t have made you take your first two home so soon. That’s a lot to put on parents. It was at that moment that I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. It was different. Preemies are different. {thank you, Dr. O’hanlon}.
And here we are. The parents of three. All early. All tiny. All blessings. Every single bit of just as they were meant to be in my eyes.
And I’ve realized that in having preemies. In having babies that were not quite ripe. I was taught many lessons. Given many gifts. And forever changed.
So what do I now know about preemies? So what have I learned from having preemies?
I’ve learned to never compare my kid to yours. I was fortunate to learn this with my first-born. I didn’t keep track of if he did anything on time. Because until it became “a problem” I didn’t need to be concerned if he walked, talked, or smiled at the same time your babe did. And, in fact, had I been one to compare, I would have been let down time and time again.
I’ve learned that preemies are not just small or “a little early”. They have to learn how to breathe, eat, and do all the things in the outside world that full-termers get time to develop for in the womb.
I’ve learned that small babies have small bellies. Bellies that aren’t quite ready. Bellies that need to eat a lot. Bellies that aren’t really sure about milk, and life. Bellies that can cause them to hurt. And be sad. Bellies that often need extra TLC.
I’ve learned that as a mom to preemies you will have to pump. Feed. Pump. Supplement feed. And on and on. For months. On end.
I’ve learned that small babies also are prone to reflux. And you can try every single medication out there. But time is the best medicine for these little loves. And so they will spit. On everything. All the time. For months. And months. And it will be painful for them. And you.
I’ve learned that you will never ever ever believe that your baby was as small as it was. As you hold up their preemie clothes. And know that they hung on them. You will never be able to wrap your mind around that each time you get past that phase.
I’ve learned that if your baby is 35 weeks or more, many will say, “oh… so they weren’t that early”. And if the babe doesn’t spend extra time in the hospital, many will also believe that the prematurity didn’t matter. But every single day makes a difference in the development of a baby in utero.
I’ve learned that if you have a premature baby, they will not sleep like everyone else’s. They will not nap like everyone else’s. They will not nurse like everyone else’s. They will not act like term babes. And you will need to tell yourself that a hundred times a day. They will not act like term babes.
I’ve learned that you will believe that NICU nurses are angels. That OBs and Midwives are incredible. And that Perinatologists and Neonatologists are worth every. single. penny.
I’ve learned that you will do whatever it takes to protect their immunity. And you may become a germ phobe as a result.
I’ve learned that you don’t get any extra time off just because your baby was early. Or underweight. And so working, daycare, and all of that, well… it can seem a bit tricky.
I’ve learned that you will never forget the day you went on bedrest. The day you had mag. The day you found out you weren’t going to go full-term. And the day that you realized you’d be having a c-section. You learn that when it’s time to go, you’ve got to trust in God and the doctors. And know that your babe will be better off out in the world than they are in your belly.
I’ve learned that you will always refer to your preemies as preemies. Whether they are 1, 3, or 5. And maybe even 10, 14, or 32.
I’ve learned that I am more thankful than I ever would have known for medical technology. Technology that allowed for beating hearts at birth. And for insurance. Health insurance that bears the burden of hundreds of thousands of dollars in expense for exemplary care.
I’ve learned that healthy is a relative term. And that you will have two ages for your baby… adjusted and actual.
I’ve learned that MLs and ounces are victories. Both out of the syringe, bottle, and breast as well as when seen on the scale.
I’ve learned that the day you cut off the blue bracelets will never escape your memory.
I’ve learned that as is said, from the smallest of beginnings, comes the greatest of things.
And now. Now I am crying as I complete my list. As I read it aloud to my husband, I was taken over by tears. Because the emotions of birth, and the first weeks, and the first months, and the years… whether preemies or full-term… are powerful. I am so thankful for our preemies. Because we got to have our babies, and hold them in our arms, even though they were a little ahead of schedule. Because those little babies have grown up. And into. And I feel so fortunate every day, that we live in a time where medicine, and technology, and doctors, and vigilant research, all work together to make even the smallest deliveries survive.
What an incredible thing.
To find out more about World Prematurity Day, visit the March of Dimes website.
More of my posts on premature babes and the NICU:
Welcome to the World, Little One…
First They’re Ours…
My Milkbags Bring All The Boys To The Yard…
Life In The NICU…
Gifts of the Season…
Harrison Honeydidn’t…
Every Day Is A New Day…
What’s The Haps, Mr. Harrison…
Movin’ Right Along…
Bugs, Be Gone…
What Does The Doc Say…
Are We Being Punk’d…
18 Signs Your Babe Has Reflux…
Say a Prayer for a Preemie…
Gifts for the NICU Mom {and Dad}…
++On this day, this year, I must say a huge thank you to my midwife, Jearlyn, my perinatologists, Dr. Kenney and Dr. Bonebrake, and the nursing staff, aides, and all the beautiful labor and delivery and NICU staff at St. Elizabeth’s and Methodist Women’s {ALL!}. And of course, our badass Pediatrician. Because of those people, we are blessed to hold our growing preemies every day. Thank you for caring for our children like they were yours.
You might also like
