Another year. 366 days this time. It was a leap year, 2016. And now, we’ve once again made it around the sun and reached 2017. I don’t totally get where the time goes but it seems no one has yet figured out how to stop it so, it marches on.
Two years ago, I decided to start a new tradition. I decided that with each new year, I would pen a letter to my three sons. A letter to share my advice, and insights about the current day. And then, some day, in the I’m-not-sure-when future {but verrrrry future}, I will give them the letters from each year, and they can laugh at them. Or throw them away. Or scour and soak up every word. I can imagine which boy would do each of those things, should their current personalities persist… which I imagine they will… I like the idea of writing them recurring letters… at a time of year when optimism is king {usually. more on that in my letter}. And my rose-colored glasses are perfectly placed. So 2017… letter number 3…
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A letter to my three sons-
What a year, my loves. It feels like we all climbed a mountain together in 2016. In fact, I believe that we moved that mountain together. And I know that no matter what happens in life… in our future… we will do it together. We can move mountains. Good to know, right?
I feel like you should know that although my resume would read stay-at-home-mom for all of 2016, you should know that your dad has been your rock this year. He has shouldered the responsibility of being all things to you and helped me heal and thrive through my battle with breast cancer. I tell you this now in hopes that as you read the words you are old enough to know that marriage is so much more than just adoring a person… more than just laughing with them… more than sex… more than just a connection… it is being everything to another human. And being completely selfless. Your father has been the financial provider and the eternal optimist in our house. And I can only hope to be half the person he is in the years to come.
You three boys are becoming. You’re becoming brothers. You’re becoming friends to people. You’re becoming these people. You are becoming individuals. And yet, with each day, you are sort of un-becoming the humans that just dote on our every whim. Which, honestly, is okay. Yes. Life would be easy if you were simply the type of children who were seen and not heard. But gosh… that would be damn boring, right?
You are currently 7, 5, and 3. You are, each one of you, completely different from the other. And while I know life would be easier if you were all the same… each one a three-peat I hope that these differences will make you the very best of friends… a mother can dream, right? You are, each one of you, the reason that I am so thankful for my every breath. And the reasons I will never have a clean car… but luckily clean is overrated, right?
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To the Oldest: You, sir… you have really morphed this year. I still believe in your brilliance. Both academically and emotionally. But you have decided that sports are a big deal. And that you want to do all the sportsing. Last spring you did Track and your dad and I saw you blossom from a kid who cried at the first practice to a kid who ran a 5k all by yourself in 3oish minutes. You have started to like football and enjoy talking Fantasy and Huskers. You are still the most avid reader I know at your age {while I know I’m biased as your mom} and your vocabulary and comprehension is sometimes astounding. You are ever the perfectionist and sometimes this worries me… I want you to know that we all make mistakes and that we grow because of them. I want you to know that I can’t look at you right now without being completely in love with your beautiful brown eyes and goofy tooth-gapped grin. Your favorite books are Harry Potter series, Percy Jackson, and Wonder. Your favorite sports are track, football, and volleyball {I don’t know. It’s just what you say}. And a few of your fave friendsies are Jackson, Lincoln, Sam, Chance, and Leyton… but you mostly just want everyone to like and play with everyone. Because your heart is a beautiful one.
To the Middlest: Ohhhhh, kid. You, my dear, are most like your mama. You are very emotionally driven. You can go from 0 to 60 in 5.2. You are becoming more of your personality. You are cooky and love to dress up in costumes and make up alter egos. You also are loving reading and pretty much blew us out of the water when you went from not reading at all to reading full books solo. You are truly your own dog. You don’t like to be told what to do and you will push push push until you get what you want. You are definitely not going to do something simply because people want you to. What a super power that will be in years to come. You are very creative and your mind works differently than anyone else I know. I could see you inventing something some day and having your own company. You have THE sweetest voice and love love love playing “daddy” to babies. You still love cuddles. You love pre-school high fives. And you love talking about “when you have your birthday party.”
To the Youngest: Har Bear… You, my son, are currently a mix of challenge and charm. You are very independent but also want us at the ready to do your bidding whenever you decide you might want us to. You are loving going to pre-school since the New Year. AND you are starting to speak. And your speaking is darling. You are our first combat fighter — swatting at your brothers in frustration quite often. You most prefer when all the family is together. And you believe that everyone else is here to live in your world, I think. You are smiley mostly. You love the “bypaa” {iPad}. And you are very set in your ways. You and Jonah and Barrett are the perfect amalgamation of spark for our family. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
I love that you all sleep now. Like, we pretty much have from bedtime to morning to all get refreshed barring any bad dreams. Mama is sooooo much nicer with sleep, and Lexapro. And coffee. I adore our family dynamic as we sit at family dinners together and talk about our days. Each of you bring something different, special, hilarious, and fresh to the table… literally and figuratively. We know daily just how lucky and blessed we are to all get to share space together and to soak up are earthly years together.
This year was the year of doctor’s appointments for mama. And you guys spent so much of your time in clinic waiting rooms and exam rooms. You know more about boobs than I am guessing most other children your age do. And you have gotten to see God’s blessings bestowed upon our family over and over, endlessly.
We had the best time on two family vacays in 2016. We drove to Kentucky to meet the Stanleys and we were gifted a beautiful beautiful family opportunity that we otherwise could not have afforded at this time, a Little Pink Houses of Hope retreat in Oak Island NC. And Barrett, you decided you want to be a VolunStar when you grow up.
2017 is the year… we just closed the books on 2016… and our nation is, honestly, in a state of unrest. Some people call it, “the divided states of America.” People have been fairly vocal over the political atmosphere. Very strong opinions exist on all matters. Specifically the rights of any minority group and the treatment of those groups. Donald Trump is being Inaugurated as I type this post to you. Barack Obama is leaving office after an 8 year term. And Hilary Clinton lost the election after a very very heated election cycle.
This year, we have seen several movies as an entire family in the theater which is a nice stage to be at even if the Littlest doesn’t always make it through. The Oldest and dad saw Rogue One in the theater with the Eickman cousins. The biggest shows on tv are mostly ones produced by Netflix or HBO rather than networks. The idea of a Smart House is becoming more and more of a trend with people purchasing Alexa or something like it to do things like turn on music in the house, turn off the lights or make breakfast {just kidding on the breakfast}. Gas continues to stay around 2 dollas a gallon while a gallon of milk continues to increase in price constantly. The current iPhone is a 7. And by the time you’re reading this, there will probs be an iPhone 20.
Zika virus hit the news hard this year stranding pregnant women everywhere from attending their trips to Mexico and the like. As a Presidential candidate, Donald Trump tweeted his thoughts out on Twitter — an unprecedented tactic in the Presidential election cycles. And Hilary Clinton was the first-ever woman to be on the final ballot. The 20 dollar bill will now feature Harriet Tubman moving forward making her the first African American and first woman in a hundred years to be on currency. The hate crime toll raised again this year with a tragic shooting in an Orlando night club. Prince, David Bowie, George Michael, Carrie Fisher, and so many more celebrities passed away in 2016 which made many people very bummed. But Betty White is still keepin’ on! So there’s that.
Pokemon Go became an instant sensation. Child mortality numbers are down and continue to be at an all-time low. After the Ice Bucket challenge swept the US in 2015, the ALS Foundation actually located the gene responsible for ALS. Amazingness. And, advancements were made in research for Pancreatic cancer and increased the rate of survival by 5 years. {all from HuffintgonPost} So, what I want you to know about this year is that it is a turning point for America. People are ruffled and restless. And ready for change and tolerance.
Each year, I want to give you a little advice… some, applicable at any stage… some, not until way down the road. But I am writing as I think of them… and that way, when you need it, it’s here.
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1. Vote
Do not be a person who believes that you are unable to make an impact or a difference. You have the right to vote and it’s a right I believe we should all participate in. By voting, you are showing you care about more than what simply pertains to you and helping others to live in a better world. I honestly don’t care who each of you decides to vote for {at least I don’t think I do now} but I do want you to be informed citizens and take action in the world around you. I want you to be open-minded and listen to different views. I want you to vote.
2. Make your bed every day
This seems like a lame mom thing, right? But here’s the thing… hear me out… IF you should choose to start making your bed every day, at the end of the day you will always know that if nothing else seemed productive, you accomplished making your bed and you get to lay your head down on your pillow knowing that the next day is a new one and again, you will at least accomplish bed making.
3. Look for kindness and goodness
There will always be negative people. And so often negativity steals the show. There are people who are just never gonna be happy no matter what happens. There are people who are always looking for a fight. Those people are unhappy and they don’t want anyone else to be happy. Those people are bullies and joy stealers. Those are not your people. Look for the kind ones. The good ones. Surround yourself with kindness and goodness. Those are the people who are going to energize you and inspire you instead of drag you down and drain you.
4. Don’t take dick pics
I know. I’m your mother and that is vulgar language. But truly, boys, nothing good comes from taking a picture of your private parts. I know you believe your penises are insanely amazing {or at least you must think that since you are giving them attention every waking minute} but you don’t need to take pictures of it to prove that. And really. No one wants to see your penis anyway. It’s not as if people are like, “Geez… I just really want to see a naked penis.” No. No.
5. Do not put your whole life on the Internet
Bahahahahahahahaha! Funny, right?! I’m such a hypocrite, right? Well, here’s the thing… I didn’t start putting my life on the Internet until I was an adult… THANK GOD. How happy am I that almost all of what I put on the internet I am sober for and responsible enough to know what’s appropriate. I know. This is hilarious because I just put my boobs all over the World Wide Web. To that, I play the cancer card. So please, don’t be idiots with technology. Seriously.
6. Try something that scares you
And no. I don’t mean cocaine. I mean, we spend so much of our lives trying to get somewhere and then, when we get there we’re like, “uhhhhh what now?” Take some time. Take some chances. As long as your breathing, life will be there. So do the things that scare you… sometimes the fear is simply the thing that is trying to tell you how badly you want it.
7. Find yourself a doctor
Even if you are a doctor, find yourself a general practitioner and go to the doctor. At least once a year. Maybe more. But with your sordid family saga of heart health and mama’s boob cancer, you best be tuning up your engines every so often and being active and healthy. Just remember how lucky I was to have Dr. Saxena when I was diagnosed. If I hadn’t had a doctor I trusted, they may not have thought to order a mammo and well, that would have been a very different situation down the road. Yes. I just tried to fear factor you. I hope it works.
8. Find a sports team you love and be a constant fan
There’s something so incredibly cool about people who rally around a team. Whether the team is good or bad… there’s something about watching a team through their good years and bad years. Also, it’s very good in business to have sports to talk about. It is something that many people are interested in and it will make convo even easier. Go team!!
9. Make out. A lot.
Making out is super fun. And it shows you what you like and don’t like. Physical touch and connections are just a part of what makes us human. Wait for the plunge. Tip toe into the pool. Save the sex for someone you love, respect, admire, and could picture having a baby with {yes. Babies can come from sex. I’m guessing we’ve had that talk ad nauseam by now…}. Making out doesn’t make babies. It just makes for fun.
10. Love. Above all. Love.
Find it in your heart to have an attitude of love and compassion for the world. Find it in your heart to spread goodness to all different types of people. Find it in your heart to love because of those differences. Share your special gifts and talents with the world and take in those around you. Speak with love in mind. Provide harmony in as many situations as you can. And be patient and respectful of space and time. Love. Love. Love. Spread it. Share it. Live it. It’s what the world needs.
11. {Bonus} Talk to me
Or your dad. Or your grandmas/grandpas/aunts/uncles/Godparents/Framily. Find someone who is older than you that you trust… who has lived life ahead of you. Talk to them. Share with them. Be honest. Have open conversations where you both listen and both talk. Find people who you know will be straight with you but also, will help you when you need it. While I would love it if it were always me, I know you might not always want that, and I get it. But know that whatever you have to say, I will listen. Find someone who says that to you and never let them go.
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So boys, here ends another year’s letter. Please know that at the current moment, I cannot imagine loving you any more than I currently do and yet, I know that with each and every passing hour, I love you more than I did before. Thank you for being our sonshines. Thank you for teaching us so much about life and love. Thank you for each, being you.
To 2017-
Mom
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Will this become a new tradition for you? If so, what type of advice would you give your children for the future? I have plenty more where this came from, of course… but small digestible bits… one year at a time…
Click here to read my letter from 2016
Click here to read my letter from 2015
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