I’m told that as a young child, I was hard to get away from people. I know. This is shocking. But apparently, no matter where we went, I would glob onto people like I’d known them for a lifetime. This is a problem that has followed me through life. No matter where I go, I make friends. I’ve shared with people that Adam Brehm often says I must have an invisible post-it on my forehead that calls people to tell me their life stories. And I prefer that. I want to learn stories. I want to know people. I want for everyone I meet to know that their story matters, if even only to me. I suppose, if there is one purpose I was placed here for, perhaps I think it is that.
I form connections with people. Deep connections, I think. I love my husband. I love my boys. I’m a lover. I’m a feeler. I love love love deeply. Many people. Many things. Good things. Good people. I connect to people. I feel intertwined with people. And their stories. And I really want, above all wants, to give people goodness.
Right after my diagnosis, I realized that God was giving me a glimpse into the most beautiful part of life. The goodness.
I know. That sounds so dramatic, right? But God said, “Hey… Ash… if you’ve ever questioned it… you know the very best people. And even so many you don’t know… they are gonna wrap their arms around you… so get ready.” And you all carried me.
Do you know? You carried me. There were truly times when I was going through treatment that, if I hadn’t had you… I just. I just don’t know. I had allllll these people carrying me through. With prayers, and packages, and words of affirmation, and. and. and. I don’t know why. But I did. And I can’t believe what that did for my fight.
It’s hard sometimes now. To figure out how to repay everyone. How to be the light that you were to me. How to truly say thank you. Because partially, I have to resume a normal life. And then, part of me never wants to pretend, even for a second, that this post-cancer life, is normal. Because it isn’t. It isn’t. It’s like life on steroids. No. I don’t mean I’m pumping illegal substances into my subcutaneous tissue. I just mean, that it won’t ever be what it was.
And ohhhhh how lucky I am for that. There will not be a day where I didn’t get that undeserved goodness.
I don’t know why God chose me for this. But gosh. Am I lucky or what? Not for the actual cancer… don’t worry, I’m not delusional {well, not completely}… but you know, like, the getting-to-see-the-goodness.
So now. Now I just want goodness for everyone. In fact, Adam Brehm could tell you that daily, I try to figure out how to repay him for his goodness. I just want everyone to feel what I’ve felt. Goodness.
And so. I continue to try to give goodness. And while I don’t personally have the funds to just make it rain on everyone every day, there are a lot of people willing to give goodness.
This time around it happened to be Sculpt Contemporary Cosmetic Surgery. The Mom Capsule. Ashley Clark Independent Mary Kay Director. Madison+Barrett {aka the gorgeous Kelsey}. And of course, Kolache Factory of Omaha. This time, they came together to produce goodness for some new mama who maybe hasn’t felt so lucky. Or who has felt alone. Or overwhelmed. Or. Or. Or.
Everyone has a story. And it is in giving goodness that I am reminded that we all have hard. We all have our times of struggle. Our times where we need to be carried. Or our times where we are weary from doing the carrying. Every. Single. Soul. Has a story.
What a beautiful thing.
So today, I get to announce that the winner of the Galentine’s package was nominated by her friend, Jenn. And it is Eli and Memphis’ mama, Lindsay Grady. Thank you, Jenn, for your beautiful tribute to your friend and to Lindsay for being completely incredible. A little bit about Lindsay… she and her husband welcomed their first child into the world in 2015, only to have to hold him for the last time 6 days later. Tom and Lindsay then took their loss and helped fundraiser for an instrument that will be used at Children’s Hospital. Something that will, in the future, help parents with kiddos like Eli. And the acronym for the invention: ELI. How perfect. They took a shitty shitty loss… a hard time… and put it into goodness. And now, they have a second son to hold, 7 month old, Memphis.
Reading all the nominations and some of the stories, I found myself reminded again that life is fleeting. Life is hard. Life is also, full of goodness, if we are willing to open our hearts to it.
So I don’t know if there is something greater for me out there. But for now, it is in getting to give goodness that I feel the most joy. And I think, that has to, for now, be enough.
Thank you to this Giftaway’s Givers: Sculpt Contemporary Cosmetic Surgery for a girlfriend’s Pelleve and Dermaplane package. The Mom Capsule for the black Christy dress and the Good Vibes only canvas tote. Ashley Clark for my fave Mary Kay product — Satin Hands {I couldn’t have gotten through Chemo without it}. Madison+Barrett for my very fave accessory. And. Kolache Factory of Omaha for a big stomach hug aka carbs.
It is truly my pleasure to be a conduit for goodness… getting the free/no strings attached goodness to the people who truly deserve it {aka as many people as possible}. Life is full of goodness if we allow it to be.
I want to know your stories. I want you to know that my invisible post-it is always here. And that once you meet me, you might not be able to shake me. You’ve been forewarned.
***And lastly… it’s my last day as a 34 year old and I can only hope that my next year of life includes more and more goodness to give away;). I already know of two coming up. If you would like to randomly make Goodness rain, just reach out!
