5 things you can do for a friend waiting for test results

“I have a lump.”

I get that sentence in my text and email inboxes more than I’d like to. Not because I don’t want people to tell me… no no no… please tell me. But rather, because I so hate to see that another person has to go through the process of figuring out what that lump is.

This week I am going to focus on three things here on the blog:

1. How to help a friend awaiting answers on a lump
2. How to help a friend who has been diagnosed
3. How to help a friend after treatment

Those are some of the most common questions I get and I wanted to put together three quick lists for reference if you are the friend.

So. Your friend has a lump or something suspicious. They’ve either scheduled an appointment or they have already had a mammogram and biopsy and are now awaiting the results. For most people, this is terrifying — specifically if they are at the biopsy part.

As a friend, you might be wondering, “How can I help?” Well. Here are 5 ways/tips that I think you, as a friend, can provide support.

1. Do not mention cancer. 
   1. I feel like enough people are mentioning cancer. I do not need to mention cancer. But if you choose to bring up cancer because that is the way your friendship rolls, seriously do not say, “Oh I knew a woman who had a lump and it was cancer and…” Because seriously. Mass hysteria could ensue. So if you’re thinking of telling stories of anyone who has had cancer — just don’t. Even if it’s a success story… it’s just not a warm fuzzy feeling. If they bring up cancer, then roll with it. If they don’t… leave it alone.
2. Ask how they are feeling that day that you are talking/texting/etc
   1. Emotions change daily, right? Some days, the information or the thoughts feel normal. Sometimes they feel overwhelming. Asking specifics about that day makes it less cumbersome to share emotion, I think.
3. Tell them you get it.
   1. Life can be scary. News of a possible intruder inside of our body — well — that can be debilitating. Tell them you get their fears and that they are not crazy.
4. Stay off the internet.
   1. No need to do any research. Just be a friend to your friend. That’s what they need. They don’t need Dr. Google telling them to freak out. They are likely doing just fine with that on their own.
5. Treat them like you normally do.
   1. Don’t feel the need to change up your banter or your normal life talk. This friend may not have a diagnosis of cancer. Or they may. But regardless, regular life goes on.

Also, people often ask what might be a good idea to take to your friend as a gift in this stage of waiting. You know your friend better than me but here are a few ideas to get your mind moving:

1. Wine.
   1. Because wine.
2. Tea.
   1. Calming teas and a mug.
3. Jesus Calling.
   1. Love this book. It’s so positive and just a bit of digestible faith for each day.
4. Inspirational jewelry.
   1. They can wear this as they wait and after!
5. Mindless magazines.
   1. Reading about celebrities always helps take a mental break when needed.

Above all, just be the friend they already know you to be. You don’t really need to do ANYTHING outside of being there, listening, and offering a message to let them know you are thinking of them. Anything else is simply icing on the cake of your friendship!