When Adam and I were engaged, those who had entered into marriage before us would often proclaim “You have no idea what you’re in for”. As we were planning for the big day and hammering out the details for “as long as we both shall live”, sage advice was given (even when unsolicited) warning us that we were unaware of the changes and struggles that marriage would surely bring. I remember thinking that perhaps I was simply seeing my knight in shining armor through rose colored glasses…Maybe my vision was clouded by the fact that we had spent our entire engagement playing the long distance game… perhaps I was just infatuated and in a state of idyllic fog which made me too naive to comprehend what huge changes I would soon encounter.
Once we took the leap into matrimony, I found myself waiting for the other shoe to drop… for the Great and Powerful Oz to reveal himself from behind the curtain and announce “the jig is up”. But, miraculously, Adam and I found ourselves in a continuous state of happiness. To date, marriage has been pretty wonderful and I thank my lucky stars daily — hourly — on the minute — for the blessings we’ve received. I’m not going to say that it’s been perfect because truly, perfection is subjective. There were definitely days in the first year of marriage when we were living in Austin and I missed my friends from home but our incredible support system of friends in Austin made that time so special and ultimately made it terribly difficult to leave once we decided to return to Omaha. But, do we have a roof over our head, shoes on our feet and tons of love to go around? YES. You may wonder “why is she waxing on poetically about marital memories?” but I promise, I have a point…
Once we were married for about two minutes, people began whipping out the question “When are you going to start a family?”. This question is kind of nice if you think about it… people believe you are a functional enough couple to reproduce and care for a tiny little bundle of joy and they hope that you are going to get on the stick (quite literally it would seem) in two shakes of a lamb’s tale. Oddly enough though, once you announce that you are with child, the response and tone changes from positive and optimistic to those who want to fill you with fear on your pursuit to parenthood. So, just as it was when we got married, over the past few months, many onlookers have exclaimed “You have no idea what you’re in for”.
While I understand the intent of the aforementioned statement, I have to tell all of you that now that I am in the third trimester, it is highly unlikely that Adam and I are going to be able to reverse our plan to add to our little family. So, just in case you’re wondering, this sort of “advice” really is no bueno. It starts with the statement “you have no idea what you’re in for” and then is followed by telling me what it is I have no idea about coupled with why it will be just as horrible for me as it was for them. From the labor horror stories to the first 36 hours to the first three months, current mothers share their many moments of darkness. I get the reasoning… not wanting to send a sister into battle without her guard up but just FYI, this talk scares the crap out of first time parents to be. You think I haven’t thought about the fact that I have no clue how to feed a baby from my boob or even what to dress a babe in as I bundle it up from the cold weather? And those are just the tip of a very large iceberg that is parental duties!
Believe me, I am not trying to be Pollyanna and I don’t believe that weeks/months without serious shuteye, a baby that won’t stop crying and changing my 14th diaper of the day sounds like a day at the spa. But, what I do know is that women have been having children for centuries and in fact, many take the plunge two, three and four times. It seems though, no matter how much you try to reply to people who are letting you know what you’re in for that you get that you’re a first-timer, you’re always seen as naive or too optimistic until you actually live through the situation and have the battle scars to show for it. I will say, obviously, I have no idea what it’s like to have a baby yet and I have no idea how much we’ll love it, how little we’ll sleep because of it, and how much it will turn our lives upside down, but, what I do know is that we will both take it all as it comes, ask for help along the way and pray that we still like each other at the end of the first three months. I am not really sure what else you’re supposed to do to “prepare” for a situation that you can never really prepare for.
I truly have no idea what we’re in for but we are ecstatic to see what it’s all about and to know Snowball as our very own:).
