Each night for the past almost 4 months, I have been stirred from my sleep at some point in my slumber by a crying Barrett — desperate for a trip to mama’s milkbar. Now, as our sweet little B wakes just once, I find myself playing Groundhog’s Day with the clock on my phone as he screams for sustenance around 4 o’clock or 5 o’clock a.m. … quite literally, like clockwork. On each and every occasion, after the reality sets in that I am the only one who’s got what he needs, I begrudgingly throw back my cozy covers, set my feet into my fluffly slippers and trod up the stairs through the night-filled house. I open Barrett’s door and walk to his crib to find him sometimes distraught and ready to play hardball. I unswaddle him from his oh-so-tight-daddy-double-swaddle and watch his arms spread wide with fists clenched tight and I scoop him up into my drowsy arms and carry him to the oh-so-comfy-I-could-fall-right-back-asleep rocker. He cries in frustration {“now you’re here mommy … why am I not eating yet?”} as I get in position and finally, his complaints are quelled… night time snack is served.
Each night, I find myself nodding off at the beginning as I watch the minutes pass on the clock and count over and over in my head the hours of sleep which I’ve already got under my belt and those which I believe are ahead of me {“if he will only sleep a couple more once he goes back down”}. It is the most silent feeding of the day for Barrett as he rarely makes a sound and only breaks to stare up at me for a few precious moments at a time. The extreme tiredness that I feel each time I walk up the stairs disappears by the time we are about 5 minutes into the morning milk session and I find myself grateful for the one-on-one time with our little man. As Barrett is bundled up next to me, I feel the softness of his never-been-tarnished skin, the sensation of his tiny little fingers squeezing onto mine and listen to his content sighs … it is a little slice of heaven. I pull him up on my chest and ever so lightly pat his back as he snuggles in beneath my chin. I kiss his forehead and thank God for the blessing of our sweet baby boy.
While I am sure that I will not continue to wake once Barrett decides to sleep more thru the morn simply to watch him sleep, I’ve no doubt that I will always cherish the beauty of spending time with Barrett in the still of the night. With so many moments that just pass us by throughout the day, these precious times can only be described as magical.
