If you’ve talked to me at any point over the last 16 months, the chance that you’ve heard me wax poetic about my disdain for the choice that a mother has to make once she has a child, is probably 99%. I have long told anyone who will listen about my feelings regarding the unfairness that I believe exists in working with children and finding a place where you can achieve true work-life balance. There are the moms who want to stay home and can’t afford it, the mothers who want to work but can’t afford daycare and the mothers who want a part-time gig that is challenging, pays great and is rewarding all at once. No matter which one you are, I am sure you know someone in each category. I am sure that some people reading this think “suck it up. we’re adults”. But, instead of sucking it up, I’ve been in search of the “perfect opportunity” to return to work for … one that affords me a flexible schedule, good pay, normal hours and a partridge in a pear tree.
My decision to stay home after having Barrett came on the heels of a few months of screaming, weight checks and some guilt-ridden baby blues. I felt like I owed it to Barrett to be home — after all, I’d failed to incubate him until completely cooked, the least I could do was forgo my cushy gig and posh paycheck {okay, not sooo cushy and not soooo posh but good things, just the same} and stay home for a few years with him. And so, I resigned. I knew that when I gave up my job, there was no going back. And to this day, I have no regrets about the decision I made. It was the right one for the time, for our family, for Barrett. I can’t say that every day has been roses but it’s been life-changing just the same.
Over the last 16 months, Barrett has been my real life version of a My Buddy doll as wherever I go, he’s gonna go. We’ve gone through it all, together. For a girl who was quite selfish prior to having kids, this has been a huge lesson in patience, adaptation and understanding. Although it took me a long time to admit it, I don’t think I could have gone back to work full-time and left Barrett at three months. This is not to say that I don’t think people should go back to work, but that I may have gone completely nutzo at the time. Even now, the thought of leaving Barrett five days a week makes me a little weak in the knees … so I am easing into the thought.
On Wednesday, I will return to the outside-of-the-home working world. I have accepted a part-time, temporary {9 month} position with the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation as an Events Coordinator. I began looking for work … well … let’s be real … I’ve been looking the whole time … but anyway, I began looking more seriously lately as our money tree crop seems to be on a shortfall this year. I was fairly convinced that in order to make any real money, I was going to have to return full-time. The part-time options that I came across were scant and the pay would hardly cover daycare costs. And finally, in talking to Adam, I said out loud what I’d been keeping inside for 16 months I don’t think I can leave him everyday. Just three days later, it all came together. The JDRF offer revealed itself once again {very long story} and another offer came my way as well. I was able to look at two very real opportunities and make a decision. Just days later, we lined up a wonderful girl who is going to come to our house to watch Barrett until she heads to college in the fall at which time, we will transition him to part-time daycare.
Throughout Barrett’s infancy, we listened to two CD’s over and over again in the car… You Are My Little Bird and Little Miss Ann. While the music of the first seemed to soothe him, the latter filled him with joy. Adam and I spent hours on end singing the words of “Sing a Rainbow”, “Edamame” and “Pirate Ship” to our little peanut and we did it, selfishly, to watch his face light up with glee. Now, at 16 months, I am somewhat selfishly calling in another little Miss Anne to fill Barrett with joy as I embark on unknown territory.
While I am forty percent excited and forty percent terrified, I am twenty percent hoping this is our partridge in a pear tree and that Barrett will be all the better for it.
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