Well. I try not to do this. I try, with all my might, to be a true form of birth control for all my friends who don’t yet have children. I try to not romanticize what it is to have children {there’s enough of that on teen mom and that Duggar show}. I attempt to be real.
But today’s real was just a lot sweeter than some of the other reality. And there are those days moments more often than I sometimes remember to project… i suppose.
Barrett has been a true toddler these days. Tantrums, including but not limited to kicking, screaming, shrieking, hitting, crying… all these things have become a routine part of our daily lives. I often say he’s like a SourPatch Kid … first he’s sour, then he’s sweet. Learning that he can test what it means to be independent, brings upon waves of emotions for our mr. B. And as I tell him day in and day out, if he chooses to test us, he will fail that test 100% of the time.
This morning started out with some of the usual suspects including grunting, mini screams and roaring. With a big birthday party ahead, I was certain we were headed for disaster. I was certain we would reach meltdown status no later than 32 minutes into said party. I was certain all of our family and friends would leave thinking Barrett was a spoiled little bratty boy and that we were failing at our job.
But today… today, Barrett was a gem. All the children in attendance were, in fact. We had fun-filled festivities with cousins and a few friends and for me, it was delightful. It was like I was watching the party in slow motion, actually enjoying the minutes and seconds. Watching Barrett be the best version of himself.
And the rest of the day, Barrett was as sweet as sweetness can be. A true joy. Our one-day-short-of-3 boy. It’s indescribable, really, because I can’t pinpoint any one bit that was extraordinary. In fact, part of it’s perfection was just how ordinary the events were. And I, like much of the time, found him remarkable. And found myself not wanting the day to go away. Wanting to etch the effervescence of his youthful spirit in my mind like fireflies in a jar … wanting to be able to watch its glow for hours. Wanting to hold onto those cozy cuddles for a lifetime. How sweet they are.
It’s days like today that I believe that a life forever without children would seem emptier for anyone who knew what having children felt like. And that I find myself with muddled memories of what life prior to children truly entailed. Each day, I love them more. And I love Adam more for living this life with me. My boys. Sweet joys.
Some days are manic. Some days are madness. Some days are magic. And those days… well, they are, for me, beyond what words are capable of telling.
Happy birthday eve to our sweet first-born. You continue to keep us on our toes. You continue to make us giggle. You continue to expand our hearts…daily.
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