In the last few months, I’ve had so many new babies enter my life. And I love them all. And even more, I love their mothers {and I guess, their fathers}. These are some of my very best friends and most favorite people {including my sister}. And a handful of them are embarking on motherhood for the first time. God bless them.
Being a first-time mom is hard. I’m not at all saying that adding subsequent children is not a task. But having your first little person join your family can be jolting. Not only do you have this human that you are to care for 24/7 but also, that life you had prior to your delivery date {or date you first met your little love}, can seem so far behind you. The first few years months of figuring out what makes this baby tick are exhausting.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Mentally. Exhausting.
Your hormones are more unpredictable than Taylor Martinez’ throwing arm. You perhaps only bathe every 6 3 days. You are tired of keeping track of that little squirt bottle. You don’t remember anyone else’s baby ever crying, peeing, fillintheblank, as much as yours does. You don’t understand how your other mom friends fit in bathing, eating and functioning. You’re fairly convinced you will never again let him take you to Funkytown. And you may even wonder, at times, why you ventured from the cushy, controlled life of a DINK {double income, no kids} or a SINK {single income, no kids} into the land of parenthood, where no one sleeps and everyone, at times, has a good cry.
And then, suddenly, or perhaps, for others s l o w l y, you settle into a new norm.
A life that you really can’t think of not having.
With a family that you can’t think of not loving.
Your first can make you, as a close friend of mine often says, more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And this is not to say that I wasn’t anxious about things with Jonah… I mean, breathing sometimes makes me nervous. But we also kind of knew how this would all go down. We’d cut our teeth on Barrett. We knew that we wouldn’t sleep. We surmised that if we gave Jonah a binky, it wouldn’t squash his suck. We even had faith that the screaming would cease. And as I stated in one of my all-time favorite blogs of my own, we knew, without a doubt and above all else, that we would love this baby so much, it would likely make us tired, stressed, and irrational at times.
So when my friends ask me for advice, I sometimes have it. And other times, I realize I’ve only parented 1 child to the age of three and another to the age of 1. So a baby guru, I am not.
These things, I do know…
I’ve never seen an 18 year old with a binky. I mean, unless it was in an episode of Dawson’s Creek or 90210 where they were depicting a rave. Otherwise, I’ve never walked out of my house and seen a grown-up suckling a pacifier.
I’ve also never had to swaddle a 16 year old. I’ve never seen a 23 year old drinking from a baby bottle. I’ve never had to change the diaper of a 14 year old {80 year olds in the nursing home, yes. But an average 14 year old, no.}. Never, have I ever, seen a 12 year old who sleeps in a crib. And while I may have known a mother or two who would be thrilled at the chance to take two naps a day, I’ve never seen known a first grader who fits that into their day.
While I remember deciding to go sans swaddle, knowing Barrett might be ready to potty train and that our binky-be-gone date would be 18 months, I don’t totally know why. Perhaps our pediatrician coaxed us along, perhaps other moms had tried and true experiences. But most likely, when we finally pulled the trigger on transtioning, we just decided that this baby was probably ready and we were no longer afraid to give it a whirl and see what worked.
So to all the new moms in my life, you are good moms. Scratch that, exceptional moms. And it’s okay if whatever you’re doing doesn’t feel easy. Trust your instincts. Know that the transitions that seem bigger than you, will be possible in their own time. Because, eventually, our little ones will grow up. Even if they only like to sleep on you when they’re 6 weeks. Even if they still wear diapers at age 3 and half. Even if they take a bottle at 14 months. Even if the baby you adore won’t take a bottle. Eventually, they will. And this baby, your baby that you are raising, will be okay.
While those of us who have been there, done that, may have a bevy of suggestions and testimonials, just know that you know your baby better than we do. And above all… never, ever fear that you don’t have all the answers. It’s time that you know the secret. None of us do.
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