Headstrong. Obstinate. Strong-willed. And my personal favorite, spirited. Pick a word. Any word. Any synonym to wants-his-own-way-and-will-rock-your-world-if-it-isn’t-what-he-wants. And that word, will describe Jonah. In true SourPatch fashion, he can be a very endearing little chap. And then, notsomuch.
I’ve made no secret of both of our boys’ baby behavior. Neither of them would have taken the purple ribbon for management of emotions in their earliest of days. And we definitely dealt with our fair share of toddleritis with the big B…very fair share. Because both of the boys are quite particular.
But Jonah.
Oh, Jonah. This little darling has me smh with some regularity. He’s been spirited from day one and his time as a toddler is proving to be no different.
As I sit down to write this, I am fresh off of a Jonah bedtime battle. To date, most of his moody moments have been designated to daytime. These bedtime blowouts have just begun (of course they have… remember the bedtime bliss.) and are completely irregular. We may have six good nights out of seven. But that one. OOOOeeey. It’s enough to make this momma completely coo coo for cocoa puffs and in need of reading books like Love and Logic or Mini Methods or Madness while surrounded by Snickers wrappers and mini booze bottles. The tantrum du jour had no true start and no reason to have ended. It materialized in one hysterical moment, only to end with me zipping up his jams, scooping him up and rocking him in silence. A full-out torrential tantrum complete with the Bug running around naked as a J bird, screaming “(n)ooooooooo” at the top of his lungs. And this particular session included the return of an old favorite mommy move…my feet holding down each of his biceps in an attempt to diaper him while I calmly sang Old McDonald on repeat and he thrashed to and fro.
We are fully aware, having treated Barrett for toddleritis, that the reasons for these emotions range from Jonah wanting control to him not wanting control. He may be mad that we opened the door when he wanted it closed. He may be mad that we closed the door when he wanted to close it. He may be mad that there is no door. He could be frustrated that the monkey on his Jams is purple. Or that the iPod isn’t playing the song he wants on repeat. He could even be miffed that it’s snowing in May…oh wait, that’s me. Regardless, this little man has very strong feelings on every possible subject and expects every single person to acquiesce. And while part of his frustrations are very toddler driven, a portion of his anger stems from something we can work on and make better, and that helps me breathe a bit. To keep calm and sing E-I-E-I-O.
After his 18-month well check, we began a grueling process. Jonah having a maddening number of meltdowns led us to inquiring about his anger with Dr. D. I thought that perhaps, we were missing something. The very key to why this often very sweet, loving child at times seemed so indescribably upset. This led to a discussion about his behavior, his actions and his language development. Which prompted Dr. D to recommend that we have Jonah evaluated for speech delay. He was speaking so few sounds. And I mean sounds because he was not speaking any words. He signed two things, more and please. We were both slightly concerned but also knew Barrett wasn’t an early talker. But when Dr. D recommended that we go through the speech evaluation process, we were all in. The process was only grueling because you have to fill out about 243 papers. And coordinate 64 meetings with 22 people in 45 days. And donate your right index toe. Okay, only the 45 days part is accurate but it does take a fair amount of commitment on the part of the parents. The further we got into the process, the more excited I felt. I liked the idea that they might be able to help Jonah. To help quell his constant frustration. And to help us with tricks, tips and tools to help him develop his language.
The tests showed that while Jonah was doing quite well cognitively, he “scored” far below average for his expressive speech, at 30%. And so, we began speech therapy. They asked, several times throughout the process, if we would want to accept services should they be offered. When I responded, “Yes. Why wouldn’t we?”, they shared that some parents do not like the stigma attached to receiving assistance from the District or to having your child in Special Education. That absolutely floored me. Jonah can’t speak. Actually, he is starting to now and by the time he is 3, he likely won’t know the difference. But before getting tubes and starting speech, he truly couldn’t speak. And as a person who very much enjoys speaking, I think that would be frustrating. Aggravating. And make me very sad. So we are accepting services. And it is honestly beautiful.
Every other week, a speech pathologist with the Elkhorn School District visits our house and works one-on-one with Jonah. She charts his progress, helps us with the appropriate activities and assignments to better develop Jonah’s ability to communicate.
Speech is helping. Speech is helping Jonah communicate with us. Helping him sing along to music, which is one of his very favorite things. And it helps him feel more engaged with the world around him. But speech is not the end all, be all solution to his trips to Crazy Town. Our regular bag of tricks…ignoring, timeouts, and diverting with snacks or dance parties…these things are no longer a silver bullet. So I’m sending out an SOS. For any tips, advice or referrals to psychiatric assistance {for mama}. Tips that don’t include me performing parts of Cirque du Soleil to get the kid outfitted for slumber.
He still has major meltdowns indicative of having been nearly 2 times around the sun and the speech piece paired with his age help us to better understand some of his frustration. But there are no services available for the strong-willed child. So instead, I keep trying to see the positive side of a very evident personality type inside this beautiful little boy. As he screams and runs and kicks…as he cries and overreacts…I have to tell myself that he will never be one to be pushed around. He will be well-equipped to take on peer pressure. And he will have a very strong opinion. All things which can be very valuable to him as he grows. But until then, I will drink my May Day mug of happy hot cocoa. In front of the fire. And repeat, Serenity Now, in honor of our spirited sons.
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