If you haven’t already thought I was completely out of my gourd to date, here is the nail in the coffin. I think… I might… love the NICU.
Before I give you my sales pitch, let me first state the things that I acknowledge are less than great about having a baby in the NICU.
1. Location: A note from Captain Obvious, when the babe is in the hospital and you are not, your baby is not with you. Away from you. And that… That is obviously not easy. Or as one would have it. And it is the very worst part of it all. But it’s a reality. And so you deal with it. Because it is the only way it can be.
2. The cost. I know what our deductible is so I have some idea of what we will shell out for finishing Harrison’s gestational journey in the hospital. And I thank the good lord that we have exceptional insurance coverage through BCBSNE. But if we didn’t… ho boy. I reckon we’d be in a bad place.
3. There are lots of cords. We are very fortunate that Harrison has not needed any breathing assistance. This means we have always gotten to hold him. But the diaper changes and CARES being done through two portholes and the myriad of cords to work around… Let’s just say I won’t miss them.
4. Room partitions. I am a social gal {which I’m pretty sure drives the nurses nutzo}. And in the “zoo”, anytime I have to feed or pump, I have to have partions rolled around me for privacy. And they make me feel like I’m opening up the Boobfet in a voter booth. And it can feel a little claustrophobic. So when I can eventually snuggle sans rolling walls, that will be a good day.
There’s my list of the bad. Now, the good.
1. As I think we all know, Harrison was 3 lbs at birth. If, for some odd reason, we would have had to have taken a 3 lb baby at home, that would have done us in. Truly. Because we have experienced premature infants… who suffered from IUGR, who spit, who truly are inept at completing feedings and who are just not happy… we know what it is to take them home. And have to start from “scratch”. And I am here to tell you, it’s bad for business. Just like anything else, you get through it. But it wasn’t until Harrison that it clicked for me. I always felt inadequate because I couldn’t get our other boys gaining fast enough. I felt inadequate because I didn’t think I could meet their needs and that is why they screamed. I felt inadequate because I couldn’t understand why other moms around me weren’t so overwhelmed. And now. Now. On our third child, all of the docs are telling us how different preemies are. How different IUGR babies can act. And even with day-in and day-out monitoring by people with high-dollar specialized degrees, it’s taken lots of tweaking to get Harrison on the right track with his growth. And I feel so much more calm this time. And just so I’m clear… So no one comes after me with a torch, I’m not saying it’s not hard for everyone. But I can acknowledge now that it’s different. And that I wasn’t actually as insane as I thought.
2. I covered this a little bit in #1 but oh me, Oh my…. Feeding an infant is an exhausting thing. And preemies are no exception. And having doctors and nurses working with Harrison and with us, step-by-step, and one-on-one, to get him exactly where he needs to be, is B-E-A-utiful. In fact, he may be the biggest baby we have ever taken home. I know. Mind. Blown.
3. The nurses and docs are incredible. Seriously. Incredible. Almost every single staff person is just a delight. And seems to love our little guy. And we do to. So that works out so nicely. And makes us feel so warm and fuzzy about the care he’s receiving. And who doesn’t want to feel warm and fuzzy? It’s just the best.
4. The NICU is a highly-controlled and monitored environment. It’s important for preems {and all newbies, I suppose} to not be over-stimulated, to keep their temperatures regulated and to make sure they are not exposed to the bad bugs or germs. Because bad bugs could be detrimental to him at this stage. But the calm, quiet environment, complete with monitoring his every move, makes it possible to manage all of that. And it also makes it possible to control how many people visit on a day {we love our visitors. But slow and steady wins the race}. And that all of those visitors wash their hands. And think about if they’ve been exposed to anything that would not be friendly to a four pound peanut. And when we get home, some of that will be harder to control.
5. Food. Vouchers. It’s not awesome food. But when I am at the hospital, as I’ve mentioned before, because I am a nursing mom, I get meal vouchers. And *bonus*… There’s an MSPI diet menu to order from. And that… That is worth it’s weight in gold. Solid. Gold.
6. And finally, the selfish parts…
I get one-on-one time with Harrison. Quiet, one-on-one time that otherwise, would be at a premium with a third child. So I am getting to savor this first month. And most importantly, and what I credit my current outlook to, I get to sleep. Outside of two to three pumping sessions over night and cleaning up of parts, etc. I get to sleep. And I am so much nicer with sleep. It’s true. And also, because of help from family, friends, rock star nanny, and of course, my stellar husby, I am able to be where I need to be, when I need to be there.
So the NICU. It can be scary. And a lot to deal with. And it is obviously inconvenient. But it truly isn’t a rain cloud over our house. For us, for this time, we are embracing the NICUs mantra, “every day is a new day”. Because in a year, when we blow out the candles on H’s cake, this 6 weeks to two month period, this will be a blip. Just a blip on our family roadmap. And in a couple weeks to a month, when we will likely take Harrison home. That… Well that will be the newest day of all.
