1. The teeth that cause the teething issues, cause those issues looooong before you ever see the actual teeth.
Before I had my own children, I can recall people saying their babes were teething. And you know what I thought? I thought, gee. hope that’s over tomorrow. Or something similar to that. But for the love of Pete. Teething is an event. It is not a one or two day occurence that happens once you see a white speck in the mouth of your little one. It is months of those little jokesters messing with you. Playing mind games. Itching their victims from beneath the gummies. Prodding. Poking. Pressuring through the littles gums. Until, finalllllllllly. Finally. When you’ve cried Uncle a thousand times over. After you’ve gone through weeks of loose, drooly, poopy dipes. After you’ve endured months of drool. And angst. Finally. A tooth will pop in like it owns the place. And you will rejoice. Until you realize that it has 19 more friends that will join it. Oh, joy!
+Apparently, there are babies who never have issues getting teeth. I am fairly certain those people turn into teenagers who get their cars towed for parking them the wrong way on a country road when they run from a party. Purely speculation. But there has to be some retribution, right?
2. Your kids will like most foods. At first.
First they might not like peas. But after the 4th or 5th time, they probably will. And they will likely eat like a machine. Until they’re between 18 and 24 months. And then. Then. You will suddenly wonder what you’ve done to make your child picky and you will curse yourself for letting them go two meals without edamame on their plates. And you will feel like a schmuck for having incessantly bragged that your child is “the best eater”.
+We went a little over 3 months where one of the boys would only eat Peanut Butter and Jelly. Our pediatrician told us not to worry. That he’d survive. Guess what! He did! And by some miracle of God, he did not turn into a peanut plant OR a jelly plant. Turns out, pediatricians know their stuff.
3. Changing the clothes for every season/age/size is a whole situation.
Oh. My. Word. Forget keeping up with the Jones’. When you have kids, keeping up with the clothing situation is an absolute affair. Whether it’s the task of changing clothes out for the season, running inventory of haves and needs, figuring out what sizes fit in different brands, or managing the inventory through growth spurts… keeping up with the clothes is a job in and of itself. Right now, the 3 year old wears some 4T, as does the 5 year old. And the babe, well, he’s blowin’ through those baby clothes like it’s his job. Today alone, I took three more items out of his closet that he seems to have outgrown. Over night.
When it’s time to take clothes that don’t fit out of the closets and drawers and rotate in what does fit/assess what I need to buy, it takes an entire weekend to do so. And now that we are feeling finished with the baby clothes, well, disseminating all of the items to the appropriate channels, that is also a task. Clearly first world problems, but that doesn’t make them any less of an undertaking.
+I’ve decided that when we outgrow the need for “tubs” for the hand-me-downs, which will likely be when my children are 19 and up, I will throw them all in a huge bonfire and sing, “I don’t want no tubs…” a la TLC. Maybe. Just a thought. I’ve got a few years to flush the idea out.
4. Your children will pee and poop all over. ALL OVER THE PLACE.
All over you. All over your clothes. All over the floor. Maybe in their carseat. Likely on a wall at some point, if you have a boy. All over. And you will have to clean it up. Because leaving it will both attract flies and make people use the word unfit when they describe you to people. So get used to feces. And urine. Because the 12 diapers you go through at the hospital… that party is just gettin’ started. If you think that your baby will be able to control their bowels from the get-go, I say, good luck, Alicia Silverstone.
+I think all parents should start wearing those painter’s coverall zip-up suits. That would be much more germ-friendly. And it would help people who hate children to be able to steer clear of you.
5. The number of colds per year. It’s a lot.
Children under age 6 average 6-8 colds per year. And sometimes, up to one a month. And if you know how long a cold usually lasts, you know that means that kids under 6 always have some form of a cold.
+Now that you know that, you can no longer judge the mother who has a kid with snot adorning his upper lip 24/7. Also important to note is that wiping a child’s nose is basically the same as cutting off their arm. At least to them. So, again, if you see a snot-nosed cherub, that is likely why.
++Kids are not born knowing how to blow their noses. There is a mom at church whose children know how to blow their noses and those children are younger than mine. I am fairly certain that this mother is secretly a witch or some type of creature with magical powers. I secretly want to walk up to her and say, “teach me all that you know, oh wise one”.
6. You might not always like your kids.
Seriously. Just like any human, your own kids will be annoying. And rude. And obnoxious. They are learning to become big humans. But they are already equipped with big emotions. And so just like you or me, they will have bad days. Horrible moments. Make bad decisions. And will do things that you do not like. But in every bit of honesty that I have, I am certain that there is not a single moment where you do not love them.
+There will most definitely be a time where you say the words, “I always love you but I don’t like your behavior” and you will believe you’ve turned into your mother. Fact. You have. Fact. It’s not so bad.
7. You will love and hate the same things.
Sometimes, some ages, some phases… I’ve been in love with bedtime. And others… well… notsomuch. Same with dinnertime. And with breastfeeding. And weekends. I’m in love with having a babe on the move and yet it produces more anxiety than a hog has heading to Farmland {btw. I only recently understood that the hogs are actually killed at Farmland. That was a sad day. I didn’t eat bacon for almost 24 hours.} It ebbs and flows. And so you might feel a bit schizophrenic in sharing what you love and what you don’t love because what you love today, you may have been disenchanted with the day prior. In all reality, this does not make you cray cray. It means you’re normal. Congrats!
+Your children will make you hate the things you love on purpose. Or so it may sometimes seem. Because just when you feel really good about something, they will totally screw with you. It’s like a really fun game!
8. For a babe, one good night equals two bad.
In the first 6 months of each our boys’ lives, before we had a steady schedule of sorts, it would seem that if we had one amazing night of sleep, the next two were utter and complete shit. Seriously. Sleep 5 hours at 6 weeks, up 5 times the next two nights. It wasn’t until we’d have three good nights in a row that I’d call it a possible victory. And then if teeth or a cold entered the picture, well, one step forward… two steps back.
+Of note, we had three preemies. I have had many friends whose babies have slept “through the night” much earlier than mine. And yet, I’ve found it in my heart to stay friends with those people.
9. The rules will change. All the time.
Peanut butter is the devil before one. Give your kids peanut butter early to build their immunity. Children need to be rear-facing until they are 1. Then 2. Now 7. Children must be kept warm in their car seats. You must not use a car seat cover. You must not use a coat in a car seat. Everyone has a crib bumper! You must get rid of them! Children should sleep close to their mothers. Children should sleep in their own room. Some of those are rules. Some are recommendations.
+Good luck to you navigating which way is up with all of the rules and regulations. Just know that by next year, you’re probably going to need to carry your kid everywhere in a car seat until they’re 20 pounds. And coconut butter will be the new almond butter which was the new peanut butter. Yahtzee!
10. You will live everything your kids live. And you may feel it much much more.
No joke. This is the best and worst of it all. This is why you love it. And why sometimes it feels like you’re just surviving. And some moments, you have no idea what you did to be so incredibly lucky.
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| Photo Cred: PamAndie Photography |
+Yesterday, as I held the babe, I watched the middlest flip off of his chair at the breakfast table and smash his noggin on the ceramic tile floor. It was as though I watched it in slow motion, with no hands free to reach out and cushion his landing. It was the worst. And while I’m sure it hurt for him to earn a huge knot on his head, it hurt me, too, knowing I wanted to shield him from it and couldn’t. Boo for not being able to always protect our kids. But no matter how much you want to, it’s completely impossible. They get to grow into themselves just like we all got to.
++Luckily, we also get to feel their joy while they feel it. And well, that’s basically the best feeling ever. In the history of all evers. To have ever occured.
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