One of my very best friends texted me the other day.
“The next time we talk, we need to have a conversation about boys.”
As I read her text, I giggled.
“Oy. I imagine they’re very different from girls.”
But that’s the thing, I can only imagine. As a mom of three boys I am starting to collect ways that I imagine boys are different from girls, just based off of my “being a girl” experiences. Things that they do, behaviors that they have, that are just different. I love my boys and wouldn’t change getting to be their mama for anything but truly, men — whether the little or the big human kind — at least the four in my house, seem to be somewhat cut from the same cloth.
So for my friend, here’s what I’ve come up with so far. And if these things are happening over at your place, join the club. The boy mom club, that is. Because that, well, that is how I refer to myself in my life as their mom… a “boy mom”.
31 Signs you might be a “boy mom”…
1. You have a hard time understanding how they walk around with those things.
2. When you walk into a bathroom in your house, the toilet often has pee in it. And around it. All around it. Seriously. The flusher must be broken. Nope.
3. Your children change into shorts when they get home from school. Even in the winter. And this creates double the laundry because they also get every piece of clothing drenched in boy smell.
4. Socks get left in every room of the house, sans mates. And the fact that the socks then, do not ever match again, is of no issue to them. In fact, they seem to enjoy it.
5. You get asked at least once a week what happened to your penis. And you explain, every time that you never had one. And that seems impossible to the inquirer.
6. You feel as though your world deserves a volume dial. Because the noise. The noise! The noise noise noise noise! {Thank you, Dr. Seuss}
7. You say the words, “take your hands out of your pants” at least sixteen times daily. And they don’t seem to matter. Especially at the dinner table.
8. You are forever told that your children resemble your husband. And you’re okay with that because you like your husband. And because they are boys.
9. Private time has taken on a whole new meaning that you never understood would come so soon. And you feel like there should be a manual for such discussions.
10. Poop is the funniest word that has ever happened to life. And toots are darn near the funniest sounds.
11. Your children hope for hair on their chests. And ask when they can shave their faces.
12. You are fairly certain your children are siphoning energy directly from you and using it to run laps in your house. Or to jump from their bunk beds. Or to leap from the coffee table to the couch.
13. You are not only saving for college but also, for the grocery bills that await you in 7 years. And you remind yourself of this every time they tell you they don’t like the dinner you made in the present day.
14. You walk past the pink and lace and sequins and polka dots in every store and end up purchasing slicky pants and tshirts… and one secret pink cardigan that you hide under your pillow at night.
15. You feel like you shouldn’t have to have a period if no one else under your roof has to either. And wonder if, over time, it will just disappear with all of the testosterone around you.
16. You use the term “undescended testicle” in every day conversation as if you are talking about buying milk at the store.
17. You are pleased when your boys have girls as friends because it means you get to hear about hair braiding and Sophia the First. And have a reason to buy sparkly nail polish more regularly.
18. You feel like you get the best snuggles that have ever happened to the world. Because jeez can boys give good hugs. And boy do they love to say I love you.
19. You get called a princess, a queen, and the prettiest girl in the world on the regular from the sweetest of voices. And then get told things like, “I like the nipples on your face” or “I like the nipples in your ears” when they really mean moles. And earrings.
20. You get asked at what age milk will be in their nipples and then ruin their world when you explain that it likely won’t. But are secretly hopeful that science will figure that whole thing out.
21. You’re not sure how to explain the scent in the shared bedroom other than to call it that boy smell. And you don’t know what kind of soap gets it out. And are hopeful that if someone is reading this and knows, they will share their secret with you.
22. You have ever uttered the words, “Don’t grab his and he won’t grab yours”. In the bath. And out of the bath.
23. Your kids want to only wear shorts to bed. In the dead of winter.
24. You know every super power of every superhero and many quotes from Star Wars. Even though you grew up playing Barbies and watching the Babysitter’s Club.
25. Your Legos are primary colored and you were unaware that anything different is or was necessary.
26. You are thrilled when your children embrace Annie, and Mary Poppins, and Doc McStuffins, and Frozen because you want your boys to like girl stuff because you don’t really think it’s just girl stuff.
27. You do not have a bow lady. A bow hanger. A bow wall. Or any bows. At all.
28. You still don’t get why boys are so stinky. But you know they are. And it starts way younger than you ever thought it would. There’s a certain musk to them that can only be solved by one thing and THAT thing is more cowbell.
29. You find yourself wondering how often you should clip boy fingernails.
30. You have said the words, “Go run a few laps around the house” to your child or children in the last 48 hours. And you meant it.
31. At least once a week you walk in on Fight Club taking place in your very own home. And are thrilled when the only injury is a cut lip.
Like what you read? Share it. Like it. Discuss it.
You might also like
