Cancer. If you didn’t get the memo, I have it. The breast kind. And friends, I’m not going to sugar coat it today…
I am a mess. A mess.
I am trying to remain positive but I feel like as we have gone through the “gathering stage” the information keeps changing. They are still calling it “early” but two lymph nodes came back positive. Which has my mind spinning… What if it’s everywhere?
I am so so scared, every day right now. That’s my truth.
And so, I’m getting some help. Some help I’ve never gotten before. Along with my daily regimen of prayer and positive thoughts, I’ve added in some Zoloft.
Haters gonna hate. But letting my anxiety steal my precious moments right now is not worth it. So, I’m getting a little help.
I start chemo Friday. I’m ready to start eradicating this beast. I’m prayerful it works. I’m getting the Cadillac of treatment. Because I’m so young. Because they want to stop it.
You guys, I know you think I’m strong. But I have to tell you… Right now, I feel like I’m not myself. And it’s so hard.
I know I need to tell myself it’s going to be okay no matter what. I know that. But the more news I get, the harder that feels.
I want to be honest with how I feel. Because I don’t want anyone to think I’m being fake. And after I share this, I have to be positive. Be positive I’m going to blast this outta here.
But don’t be fooled. I have my moments. And this is one.
I want to get back to each and everyone of you who are messaging me. I want you to know what it means to have you supporting me. Holding me up when I feel like I’m gonna fall down. But it will take time to get back to every person, every call, every text. But keep the prayers coming, please. Please don’t stop praying just because I don’t respond today or right away. Please keep praying for total healing.
To my friends, thank you for letting my cry in front of you. And fall asleep on the couch with you there. Doing my laundry, giving me meals. Calling. Texting. And thank you for letting me be exactly me. Because this time in my life… It’s the hardest I’ve ever lived through.
And pray for the Zoloft. And the therapy I’m going to seek. Because y’all, this mama needs to curb the anxiety and get on with living each day. I’ve got a lot of living to do! I want to enjoy these days… I just need the nerves to calm down.
That’s on my heart today. I know, it’s raw and real. But that’s what’s there. And I need prayers, friends. So I’m gonna ask. Hey, if you don’t ask, you don’t get, right?
