“Hmmmm… probably the tired. Yeah. The amount of complete exhaustion you feel.”
I felt like that was probably the toppity topper of the side effects for me. Because when you’re young-ish and used to doing whatever you darn well please, the exhaustion comes as a surprise. It’s a little like when you’re pregnant and you’re in the first trimester and you just can’t get your sea legs… but then, it sort of is worse in the way that there are times where I literally can’t open my eyes but I can’t go to sleep. My body is fatigued but my mind is not. So that, that is a hard thing.
And then, I added…”Oh. The diarrhea.”
Because you guys. The pooping situation is the shits {as I’ve previously mentioned}. And having bum explosions is never any fun for anyone. I mean, I know every party has a pooper but I don’t want to be it. And that whole situation also takes your nutrients and flushes them right down the toilet… jerk. So, the pooping is a wild ride. {Because I’m gonna be real with you here, people}
Obviously there’s the hair loss. That’s felt minimally emotional. Because that’s not hurting me. It’s just superficial for me. And superficial, I can handle. And seriously, do you have any idea how fast I can get ready these days? They should just recommend that all first time mommas shave their locks before they leave the hospital with the babe. Seriously. It would make for so much less drama.
And then, there are other aches and pains… like when you are a few days out from chemo, the drugs actually ache in your bones. In your bone marrow. To work through. And that’s an interesting sensation.
But mostly, the last worst for me so far {and hopefully, for good} was the mouth sores. I once wrote a blog about hand foot and mouth called FIRE SORES and I liken the chemo side effect of mouth sores to that. You feel like every time you want to talk you have to chew your tongue and that’s just a fun experiment to have to work around.
And the elephant in the room. Small elephants, in my case. Is that I am going to be saying bye bye to my breasts. And that surgery will bring alllllll sorts of crazy things with it, I am sure. I am of the opinion that for myself, for me, my breast bon voyage is a necessity and it will feel therapeutic to know that if the cancer were to come back, it won’t be inhabiting my boobies. In fact, my boobs are so emotional right now. Last night, good boob was weeping. Okay, maybe not weeping but it definitely appeared to be lactating. Because you know, you might want a tall glass of milk while you’re taking trips to the john at night {really. I have no idea why my good boob was crying. Perhaps because it knows it’s on the chopping block. Perhaps because it hasn’t been getting any attention as of late. Or likely, because hormones.} So, the boobs going bye bye, I’m at least for the current moment, okay with. But if I lose my eyelashes, well, shit’s gonna hit the fan:).
I don’t share all of this to complain. I share so you can get a glimpse of what goes on inside of chemotherapy. There are tons of different cancers. Tons of different chemo regimens. There are people who take a chemo pill. There are people, like me, who get it through a port. There are people who have to do it daily or do 20 rounds and people like me who go every three weeks and get 6 rounds. Some people get one drug while another doesn’t. Your treatment plan is determined by a variety of factors because just like humans, no one’s cancer is exactly the same. But thank the good lord for science and technology and all of the advancements, specifically in the breast cancer world… because again, I am going through all of this to be a SURVIVOR. To rid my body of cancer. And to say, It was a season… It was hard… but we can do hard.
So what’s the hardest side effect? I’m sure for everyone it’s different. I will also start seeing some pretty rockin’ damage to my skin and nails as the toxins go to work. And menopause, people. That’s right. I’m going to be sent straight into menopause… gonna be dry as the Sahara Desert with hot flashes to boot… because what else would I write about, friends? Hee hee.
Things that do not suck though are wearing expandapants as much as I darn well please, collecting awesome earrings and hats, and getting to connect more with all the people in this world. And there’s a lot more beautiful side effects where those come from. These things, these are the gems.
So for today, that’s your walk through cancer. I hope that your day is shit free and that you can let it be great! Because today, people, this is the one we got!
