“Am I Going to Poop on the Table…”

Adam and I attended the first class in our Prepared Childbirth courses and are now well on our way to becoming prepared parents. With one class down and 5 to go, I have no doubt that we will soon pen our own instruction manual resembling Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten but ours will rather be titled Everything We Need to Know We Wish We Would Have Known Before Making Our Own Human (it’s a working title… could use some tweaking). There sure are a lot of things to learn before our little Snowball becomes our little sleepless wonder.

Our instructor, Kristi, kicked off the class by proclaiming, “When I began my prenatal classes, there were only two questions I wanted answered. Am I going to poop on the table and will my hoo haw ever look the same again post-childbirth?”. I immediately knew that Kristi and I were kindred spirits and that Adam and I were totally meant to be in this section of this class. Since the day I found out that the former could occur during labor (I believe I overheard some mothers discussing this when I was in college), it has completely freaked me out and I was thrilled to know that other women concerned themselves with such details regarding the derriere.

There are 7 couples in our class and we were the only ones to snobbishly alert everyone to the fact that not only are we not aware of the gender of our gestational bundle but also we will not be sharing our names. Each person that followed revealed the sex of their fetus as well as the moniker of their minor. We split from our spouses to discuss our fears, concerns and questions related to bearing a bambino. The mommas mulled over health of baby, weight gain, complications during labor and breastfeeding while the dads dished on mommy’s mood, what labor would bring and of course, is there life after childbirth. Kristi assured us that we would tackle all of these topics and more and that all of our hoo haws would certainly remain in tact. I figured as much … how else would you explain the fact that most people have multiple children?

We finished up the class with about 20 minutes of mind-blowing meditation. I may sound as if I am dogging on this portion and I actually am not bagging on it at all … I loved it. I got to lay on the floor with Adam by my side, the lights turned low…we listened to a very soothing voice (akin to to the voice you might hear on your navigation system) coax us into a state of blissful calm. Prior to this I may have poo poo’d such activities but it’s amazing what this little babe is doing to my body.

So, one class down and 5 to go and still the question exists “Am I going to poop on the table?”.