That’s What it’s All About…

We at the Brehm house have been playing a little game that I like to call “Bedtime Hokey Pokey”. This is not the same bedtime hokey pokey that created Barrett nor is it as fun as that hokey pokey. As Barrett is almost 6 months old, we decided that we ought to bust him outta the swaddle and allow the little man to roam free. The plan seemed easy enough … one night, leave one arm out. The following night, switch it up leaving the other arm free. Alternate one arm for the other for a few nights and then, voila… both arms are out and swaddle be gone! It’s beautiful … in theory.

You may ask, “Why do you swaddle him?”. Well, my friends, when Barrett was born he was teensy tiny and so we were instructed to keep him swaddled, bundled, snuggled and warm. Doing these things would create a “womb-like” environment for our little preemie peanut and he would in turn, thrive better in the first month of life. So, we did just that. We swaddled B and bounced him to dreamland each night, held him gently in our arms throughout the day and kept him toasty warm. If you’ll recall, 3 weeks into his life, he began screaming… so the swaddling stuck… and here we are, 6 months later with a babe who needs the swaddle like a junkie needs his fix.

So, we set out to say see ya later swaddle. The first night went fantastically… one arm out …check. The second night… opposite arm free… check. After a few nights of one armed bliss, we got brave… both arms would be free to move about the cabin. This is when things went terribly awry… the first night, we were up a total of 8 times with Mr. Barrett. The second, 7 times and the third, at least ten… and so, for now, the swaddle is here to stay.

After two nights of great sleep, I am heading off to Las Vegas today for a bachelorette bash and will be away from Barrett for 3 nights. I am not nervous at all about leaving him but I do have much guilt surrounding the excursion. If there is one thing I don’t understand about motherhood it is that everyone who has children knows what it’s like to do it… so therefore, one would believe that this would make moms understand eachother, support eachother and just plain get it. But yet, the old adage remains true in mothering just as in anything else, “opinions are like {youknowwhat’s}… everyone’s got one”.

I was scouring the internet in preparation for my trip in an effort to best prepare my bosom for the bash. In searching for other mama’s who milk it, I discovered a very dark side of the mother hood. Women from all sides of life posted questions regarding how to handle pumping while traveling sans babe. The retorts were ridiculously judgmental as moms retorted with answers including “your baby won’t know you when you return”, “you are doing lifelong damage with your selfishness” and “you are a mother now. nothing else.”. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love Barrett. He is the best. BUT… I believe that you are still a person, a woman, a wife and a friend following childbirth. Since Barrett was born, I quit my job, I stay with him everyday and I feed him, bathe him, cuddle him and love him. I’m certainly not asking for a medal, but I can’t believe that three days away from him will truly scar him for life but as a first time mom, it’s impossible to ignore the judgments of others because just like everyone else, I only want to give Barrett the best things in life.

My fave part of talking to peeps about my brief departure is the question “Where is Barrett going?”. Um… okay “Barrett will be with Adam.” … “Oh, that’s great that he’ll watch him”. Whaaat! Yes, it is so great that my husband, who helped make the baby is willing to “babysit” his child. Why is there such a double standard when it comes to parenting? Again, not that Adam isn’t amazing and I don’t want to sound like I’m taking him for granted but when he left a few weekends ago, there was no question about his little trip. Luckily, Adam supported me partaking in this trip prior to having Barrett and encouraged me to book the flight following three months of a screaming son. If not for Adam and my awesome mom, sisters and friends, I would likely be a hermit post-motherhood as people warn of taking your babe out in public, the damage you might do when taking them on a plane and of course, leaving your little one for a night that is just about you (or you and your husby). I do get that moms love their babes… because what I feel for Barrett is something I never could have described before having him but as I prepare to leave him for the weekend… and ponder going back to work, I don’t understand why there has to be such a harsh view of mothers who still take time for themselves.

I know that while my trip will be fun, I will definitely be ready to return home at the end and Adam and I will likely celebrate by doing the hokey pokey… ’cause that’s what it’s all about.