Two weeks prior to Christmas, Barrett was a sniffling, screaming, sad mess for a good {or rather, bad} week. We started noticing his runny nose and “scratchy” throat when he played Jesus in our church Christmas cantata and it only got worse from there. Once again, a cold had found its way into B’s little nose and seemed to be holding on for dear life. After several nights of horrible sleep for B {and in turn, us}, I was over the cold… I just wished it was over Barrett.
My parents sang in the cantata with me and stayed with us that night, so throughout the first night of the cold, we each took shifts rocking a discontented babe. My mom talked to me later about all the things she tried to comfort Barrett and that finally, after much trial and error, some water from a sippy seemed to do the trick. She had rocked and patted and consoled him for some time and her patience paid off.
This week, Barrett has been teething again and it stinks. We’ve been at grandma and grandpa Brehm’s house celebrating Christmas and so luckily the added stimulation has kept him content during the days but he still seems a little off his game. This round of teething seems to be a little different than his last with more dirty dipes… which has led to a horrible run with diaper rash. Baby B’s bum is raw and red and thus, diaper changing has been even crappier than normal. Luckily, grandma Brehm has been on it like white on rice and has helped to quell some of Barrett’s woes. She’s snuggled him and pampered him and given him a little extra love.
Over the years I’ve watched grandparents — my parents, Adam’s parents, my own Godparents Mike and Sue and my parents friends, Lonnie and Jerry, and Marti and Mitch, et al — as they’ve gone to the ends of the earth to help with their grandkids. Transporting them to and fro, keeping them overnight, singing the same silly songs over and over again, buying them gifts, giving them time. The grandparents I’ve watched are hardworking, involved, adoring people who would do whatever it takes to make their grandchildren smile. And really, they are the best role models parents can have.
There are many moments of my day with Barrett when I really do just stop and fully live in the present. When I don’t worry about the loads of laundry. I put the grocery list making out of my mind. I don’t hop on the computer to finish up a project. I don’t get on the phone to call Adam to chat. I just really really focus on the beauty of the moment with my baby. Because while I am a mother to him 24/7, just like a mom who works outside of the home there are other action items I’d like to accomplish throughout my “work” day. There are times when Adam and I sit and play with Barrett at night and we look at each other and exchange glances that say aren’t we lucky…isn’t this great. There are a handful of times each day that I have to remind myself that these are days I won’t ever get back … that this very moment is my life. These are the moments that I am wearing my grandparent glasses.
Throughout Barrett’s almost eleven months, there have been trials, tribulations, growing pains and many times when I’ve questioned if what I’m doing is anywhere close to right and throughout those things, the grandparent glasses have been key. In these times my mom would tell me that it really would get better, Kathy would promise that not every baby would have such issues, and my dad would explain that even the bad days with kids are better than the days without. I have to say that while there were days {and will be more as Barrett becomes his own person} that I didn’t believe what they were saying, it was nice to hear the same message from those who had been in the trenches before me.
Grandparents have a way of losing track of time when they are spending time with their grandkids, of holding them just a little longer than they “need” to be held {in a parent’s eyes}, of getting them to do things they would never do for mom and dad. Grandparents are more patient, more understanding and seem to have a way of calming a crying babe down in half the time it would take a parent. The grandparents I know get it.
There are days in which I am at my wits end and I will call my parents or Adam’s parents and I find myself venting about my day {the common vent theme is napping… or lack there of} and these parties help me find perspective… if even just for the length of the phone call. While I know that my ponderings on parenting are a bit candid, I am enjoying the wild ride so far. It seems that so many young parents {sometimes Adam and myself included} want for their children to do the next thing very soon… to get to the next stage… to get rid of the swaddle… take their first steps… say their first word… whatever it is, the idea is to get there quickly, because surely it will be better when…
These are the times when someone needs to be there to hand out the grandparent glasses and by putting them on, we could see that everything will happen with time and that down the road, we will long for these carefree days with our child. This is not to say that I think that as a parent you should never make any effort to have a schedule, to help your child to develop, or to prepare your child for life, but it is to say, if only we could have a little more of the grandparent perspective in the moments that are hurried and rushed, perhaps it would feel a little less like a job and a little more like a lifestyle.
In fact, I have some 3-d glasses left over from a recent viewing of the Christmas Carol and perhaps I will have to deck them out and label them with a big GG. I think that as I nurse Barrett through the teething times, the days post his upcoming surgery and future ailments… as I deal with the 4:00 in the afternoon cranky period… or when I wake up to a babe who has woken on the wrong side of the bed … I think I’ll put on my Grandparent glasses and see it all in a new view. If it doesn’t offer perspective, at least it will give us a giggle which will inevitably make me take a moment to stop and smell the roses.
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