Just Do It?

I never did the premarital sex thing. I’m not saying I didn’t fool around and experiment. I’m not saying I think you’re evil if you made it to home base. I’m not even saying that none of my friends had “relations” before being married. But back in the day {and many of my friends can vouch for this} I could barely say the word sex without laughing … what would make one think I could actually perform the act with a straight face? And while there were several reasons I decided to wait and see, I was terrified of getting knocked up. In high school. Good thing too because it turns out, I get pregnant really easily.

I feel like this topic, whether you’ve participated or haven’t, is one that people don’t feel comfortable talking about. I used to find it embarrassing to say it out loud. It’s easier to sing “Like a Virgin” or to order a virgin cocktail than it is to actually utter the words in mixed company. As a teen, “I’m a virgin” sounded way cooler in my heart than it did when it passed my lips. Especially when everyone else knows what the intimacy of sex feels like, looks like, sounds like (yes, sounds) and behaves like.

Having had good friendships in high school, sorority sisters in college and best friends now, I’ve talked long and hard with several of my friends about it. I’ve had a few girls respond “Would you buy shoes without trying them on?” and to that I say, “shoes rarely have STDs”. While most of my friends don’t at all regret their choices prior to marriage as they were in committed relationships with people they love and respect and many ultimately married the person that they lost their virginity to, a few do have regrets … stating that they wouldn’t want their kids to go through the emotional vulnerability that comes along with sex, even when in a committed relationship. And in every crowd, one or two lament one-time flings while others stand by their decisions to be spontaneous.

The one commonality with all of the friends I’ve talked with is that none of their pre-marital pouncings lead to pregnancy.

I am a hit-and-miss watcher of 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom and I am here to tell you, if anything should make a girl keep her legs glued shut in high school, I would say this is it. I’m not convinced that the Teen Mom’s aren’t sensationalized but on 16 & pregnant, their plight is legit. As if watching a trainwreck that I just can’t turn away from, I soak up every morsel of these teens’ tales. The first teen-with-tot, Emily got kicked out of her mother’s house and relocates to live with her dad and stepmom in the middle of high school. She tries to finish home schooling as the cameras catch her holding a bottle under her chin and a book in her hands. The father of the child, nowhere in sight, comes around only to persuade her to marry him sooner than later. And of course, now that Emily’s had a preview of his slammin’ parental abilities {or lack there of} and not-so-Bieberesque hair, she’s doubting if she wants to marry him at all.

Another mom-to-be, Chelsea, finds that she can no longer fit into her school desk after summer break and has to sit on an exercise ball all day. When her water breaks 5 weeks early at school, she is rushed from school by ambulance and delivers her tiny tot at the hospital. When the day comes to take her sweet peanut home from the NICU, her boyfriend {which is a generous term} is too preoccupied to show up for duty. She finds herself home with her baby while her sperm donor {who is questionable at best} is out taking care of his baby — his car. She repeatedly tries to get a hold of this little loser and finally, he texts her a love note in which he calls her a “big fat stretch marked b*tch”. Neat.

Valerie is likely my fave. Valerie was adopted as a child. At 15, she gets knocked up by some little dirtbag boyfriend who, during the pregnancy, relocates because “he’s gotta start his own life at some point”. She’s trying to figure out how to balance baby, finishing school, finances and a social life at 15. I thought 15 year olds were supposed to be cruising around with their friends, using their parent’s money and texting. Valerie could get pregnant and take care of a newborn, but couldn’t drive a vehicle.

I’d be remiss to not mention that there are a few relationships that make it. There are a few teen pairs who don’t end up in Splitsville. There are even a few who seem to have found their made-for-them-mate at a young age. So… I suppose that’s a plus.

The best part of the entire show though, is the end. With the conclusion of each episode, the new mom shares her thoughts. It almost always includes her saying, “I wish I wouldn’t have had unprotected sex”. Really? Who thinks having unprotected sex in a semi-monogamous relationship is a good idea these days? I would think one might say, “I wish I had waited. Period. End of sentence”. I am here to tell you … and I often tell our babysitters and the teenage girls at church … if you think after watching 16 & Pregnant that having a baby in high school looks like fun, I think you are likely out of your gourd.

I don’t know yet how I will address sex with my kids. I am a pretty open person so I am assuming I will address it often and openly. I do know that my parents pretty much put the fear of God into me regarding getting pregnant in high school… and while I think that obviously worked, I believe you also need to have very open discussions with your children regarding the birds and the bees and all things related to getting busy. I would be naive to think that our children won’t be interested in sex … humans are sexual beings. But I would also be naive to think they are hearing the consequences from someone else. Regardless, I hope they don’t just listen to Nike’s advice and Just Do It. Maybe I can talk them into Just Think About it… for a little bit.