In talking to one of my friends at her baby shower before I was gestating Grin, we began talking about the things that mothers never mention regarding packing on a peanut. She said “No one tells you that you won’t be able to see your good girl {my choice of wording, not hers} anymore”. I immediately let out a giggle and she continued “I haven’t been able to clear things up in those parts for a good month”. Oh the things they don’t tell you…
From conception to delivery to post-partum, there is a plethora of pieces people leave out. Some, because you kind of forget and some because it’s just not polite to talk about such business in public. Well, that rule is out the window with me. Here are just a few of the observations I’ve made from beginning to end of bearing a babe. I am telling you now, if you are so not in this place yet {as in, don’t want to know some of the gory details } or you are a dude who can’t handle the truth, please, I beg of you, do not proceed. You’ve been warned.
1. My baby-bearing bladder is truly the size of a pee {no, this is not a typo}. A very smalllllll pee, in fact. If I should, say, sneeze, laugh or perhaps even just stand differently and am not quick enough to clench, than you better believe I might lose a little liquid. Yes. It’s sort of awful to admit. People say Kegels will help. Lie.
2. Carrying a peanut can make for problems pooping. Whether it’s the onset of taking your prenatal vitamins or as one of my friends pointed out, the Zofran you’re taking to not toss your cookies, you can find yourself severely stopped up during pregnancy. Don’t sweat the small {or big} stuff. Talk with your doc about a stool softener.
3. Sleeping can be a real drag. Everyone talks about the amount of sleep you lack following the birth of a babe… but as I’ve noted previously, with this pregnancy, I’ve discovered sleep can range from totally normal to severely sucky. With B, I slept famously … with Grin, we’ve had our ups and downs. Regardless, if you’ve never been pregnant, sleep well now. Especially if you’re a stomach sleeper… at 5 months in, that became nearly impossible.
4. You may feel some pretty strange things inside that growing belly. Most recently, it felt as if I was sitting on a cell phone that had been set to vibrate … for a good three hour chunk of time. After further investigation, apparently this sensation occurs at times because your fetus is fixed on a blood vessel or nerve. Thank goodness it finally stopped… I couldn’t figure out who was trying to call me for that long.
5. Along with the buzzing, there may be burrowing going on in your belly. There have been times with both Grin&Barrett that I believed the babe was trying to make it’s grand entrance based on the twisting, tossing, turning and punching inside my pouch. The movements can be so grand that you might believe the kiddo is actually planning a prison break and will soon walk right out the front door.
6. Weirdness happens while you’re preggo. The weirdness that I’ve experienced with Grin has been a completely different set of weirdness than I had with Barrett. With Barrett I had a numb tingling sensation in my digits for pretty much the entire pregnancy. I also baked and baked and baked throughout the entire pregnancy but craved salty, crunchy goodness. With Grin, I had immense sinus pressure throughout the first 20+ weeks. I’ve, for the first time I can recall in my life, contended with split ends on my locks. I’ve craved iced tea… in a plastic cup. It’s all just weird.
7. I’m not Jewish. Nor do I generally speak in Yiddish. But I am, for sure, shvitsing. Throughout both pregnancies and post-partum with B, I often awake sweaty as a you-know-what in church. As I normally live sans bouncing breasts, it is a totally new thing to wake with sweat sitting under my milk makers. I also find that as the temps begin to rise, I perspire just sitting. Awesome sauce.
8. There is this thing called round ligament pain. And I think that on occasion, it hurts like a beast. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong but it can alarm a momma-to-be a bit at first. It sorta feels like you pulled a muscle inside your baby maker region. The first time I had it with Barrett, I thought it was a contraction, only to discover several months later that it pails in comparison to the immense pressure and stab-me-in-the-eye-with-a-fork pain of contractions.
9. After birth, you don’t just hold your baby and go on with the day. While they are assessing the babe, they also have to take care of your Girl Friday. This includes delivering your placenta and then, perhaps, stitching. I found this part incredibly weird only because I honestly didn’t even think about the fact that it had to occur.
10. You don’t just push the baby out without experiencing a fair amount of aftermath. There is a fair amount of evidence that you’ve pushed a little one out of your Lady Gaga. I had no idea how long the bleeding business would continue. And how long I’d have to pack on a pad. Again, not a horrific, horrible reality but to me, was a piece I just hadn’t even stopped to think about prior to getting pregnant.
10+. Goodbye Victoria’s Secret, hello Gauze Undergarments. No joke. The hospital provides you with some pretty rockin’ spanks that are made of a gauze-like material. While they are not a forever thing, they are pretty hilarious. They are perfect for the jumbo iced pads you pack in them, though, so I suppose it’s function over form.
There’s likely a whole load more that I’ve missed so please, if you want, do share your own. But, if you’ve not yet headed down the path to pregnancy, hopefully this gives you a more realistic view on what you can expect when expecting. And while the pregnancy and end result can include more than you bargained for, I promise, it’s so worth it. Really.
