We’re going through a little transition at the Brehm house. Barrett arrived home following the birth of Jonah {after being away for a few days} and seems to have packed in his return bags, an attitude. Mere days prior to Jonah’s birth, I was continuously singing Barrett’s praises and now, I wonder what’s happened to our not-so-trying toddler. Jonah is unaffected of course, sleeping the days away but this momma reaches her melting point when Barrett has sudden outbursts. While 75% of the time, Barrett is his sweet, fantastic self … 25% of the time, he has us scratching our heads and scolding his disobedience and erratic behavior.
Screaming. Kicking. Throwing himself to the ground {please, someone tell me where kids learn this. Not once have I thrown myself to the ground in front of Barrett in a fit of rage… at least I can’t recall doing this in the last 24 years or so}. And incessant use of the word No have become sudden favorites of our eldest. While I know this is a just as I stated above, a transitional phase, I find my heart hurting when Barrett acts out.
It’s certainly not every single moment of the day. There are many “normal” times in which it seems as if nothing has changed … until … it is apparent that, to Barrett, they have. There have been no attempts by B to lash out at J, so that’s positive but he’s fairly indifferent towards Jonah … and fairly ticked off {on occasion} at the family figureheads.
Ugh. Sitting at breakfast the other morning with my parents, Barrett began screaming and shouting. Adam took him to have a discussion and my eyes welled up with tears. The guilt I feel, watching Barrett adjusting, is emotionally overwhelming and while I try to keep it in check {I just popped out a peanut mmm k… I’m a little unbalanced} I find that I feel like I’ve wrecked his world as he knew it. And of course, anytime someone asks how Barrett is doing, I begin to choke up.
It’s such an internal battle. We know Barrett. We have a bond. We are his people. But now we are Jonah’s people, too. And while the loving part isn’t hard to come by … time and patience can be. And feeling like I could have somehow prevented sending Barrett’s world into a topsy turvy transitional state makes me a wee bit sad.
I have to keep reminding myself that he will adjust {right? Oh please, say right}. As a wise woman shared with me the other day, throughout our lives we go through many adjustments and changes, what better way to teach our children about this than at home, with family there to love and support them through the changes. She also reminded me that I need to remember that we’ve given Barrett a true gift, a sibling.
So… I’ve talked with other parents of two {or three} and they all say “give it a month … six weeks … three months”. The most important thing to me right now is knowing that it will get better … right? And, by the recommendation of our dear Dr. Dek {I asked her resident advice while we were in with Jonah}, we’re just going to keep on keepin’ on over here. We’ll do our best to be consistent, to offer praise {when appropriate} … and discipline {when appropriate}, to make Barrett feel loved and supported and to help him understand that we are not the enemy.
Much like how quickly those first six trying months of Barrett’s life now seem to have gone by in the blink of an eye, we know that this too, shall pass and that it’s not a question of if but when. Until then, thank goodness for wine {for me}, Mickey Mouse {for B}, an infant who appears to be rather content {to date}, and a daddy {who is home for another week. Thank you lord} who would move the earth for his wife and boys.
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