Cry It Out. To type it makes me cringe just a little. Poop — I can blog about. The word boob — I will type a hundred times without a second thought. I will even talk about hemorrhoids and triple nipple cream. But cry it out… makes me feel a little uneasy. Go figure.
Before having children, I thought how could you just let your baby cry? They are so innocent. They need to be comforted. Cue two babies, who in much contrast to their one-time incubator, hate to sleep.
When I had Barrett, I was under the impression that babies get tired and conk out in strollers and on the shoulders of their parents with some regularity. I thought that babies fell asleep while being fed, slept for two hours and woke up refreshed. I thought that they would sleep, above all else.
I had no clue that babies would stay up for hours on end {both Barrett and Jonah would/will stay up for 6 hours straight during the daylight hours} and that they would also only sleep for 20 minute stints, only to wake up way more peeved than they were when they went down.
So. After battling sleep with Barrett for the first year and a half {we went to one nap at 10 months}, I saw the writing on the wall with Jonah. Out of the truly colicky phase, at 4 months, Jonah was still waking 3-4 times a night. Napping…hmph. Napping for Jonah meant closing his eyes long enough for mommy to use the potty. Something had to change and since Jonah wasn’t taking it upon himself, Adam and I geared up for a grueling full-on sleep attack. I knew what I had to do. I went to Amazon and placed an order for the magic book. The book everyone swears by. The book that saves lives and sanity of exhausted parents. Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.
Again, being a novice to reading on child rearing, I was a little skeptical about the efficacy of this REM regimen. But what did we have to lose? We were already losing sleep, sanity and patience. It couldn’t be worse than it currently was… a red-eyed, always needed to be held, fussy babe.
I scoured the pages, reading passages and real-life recounts aloud to Adam. It was as if I was reading about Jonah…and about a former Barrett. Because of Jonah’s colicky roots and having tried other methods up until this point, we decided that the Extinction method would be our best route. It even sounds mean, right? Extinction. That meant once Jonah was down for the count, we would not go into soothe {unless it was a feeding time. I was not about to deprive him of feedings at this weight} and during naps, he would cry for up to one hour. I know. It sounds like hell. And it sorta was.
The first night, Jonah cried off and on for an hour and 20 minutes. Judge, judge, judge. Call me a heartless beast. I know I would. I watched the monitor. We listened to his cries. I cried. I held Adam’s hand as we lay in the dark. It was hard. I even feared the psychological damages it may be doing… abandonment issues, future insecurities, and on and on. The motherly {parently?} instinct is to save your baby from harm, fear, or just unpleasant situations and cry-it-out asks you to completely shut off that instinct. But, I have to admit, as far as night, that was all it took. That crying spell was enough for Jonah to “learn” to go back to sleep on his own. The next night, we were back on track. Since, we’ve had no crying spells in the night longer than a ten minutes.
Naps are a different story. It doesn’t seem to matter how much we watch for J’s signals, he goes from smiley to screamy in 5.2. So we were going to have to go all out. Much like I never thought I’d be a PBR {parenting book reader}, prior to Barrett, Adam and I never ever anticipated being schedule nazis. But. We are. Barrett has been on a schedule since six months and up until recently, we rarely missed a nap or bedtime. We realized that we could either have a happy Barrett {read: well slept} or a crappy Barrett {read: exhausted} and so very soon after the six month mark, we moved heaven and earth to make sure he had the perfect conditions for sweet slumber. I know it makes us sound like crazy mcrazertons…and each child is so very different {unless we’re talking about Barrett and Jonah}…but it’s what works for us. Believe me, if our kiddos slept sweetly as we strolled about or would catch a snooze in the car whenever need be, I’d gladly take it. But I digress…
So, Saturday morn, we started writing down every wake-up, every start of soothing routine, every put down, every cry period and every sleep time. It sounds even crazier when I write it out…but again, it was worth a shot. And we’ve continued each day. And we are seeing some improvements. Jonah now has somewhat of a scheduled day. He wakes around 7 am. He goes down for a 30 or 40 min napper around 9. Another longer nap around noon. And the real battle, is getting him to take off his boxing gloves for an afternoon nap. Some days, he will go down again around 3 or 4. If not, it’s just a party until bedtime around 7. He never cries for more than 20 minutes before a nap {generally 5 or less} and seems to be getting the hang of this sleep stuff.
While we are not there yet, we are on-track to better times. Jonah is much less overtired. He even wakes up happy most of the time. It’s a welcome change. And I am feeling more refreshed, less frazzled and though I get a bit of cabin fever on occasion, it’s so much more doable with two well-rested boys.
I know that this is only the beginning of things we do for our kids that are harder on us than on them. But that’s a hard reality to grasp. Did you do cry-it-out with your kids? For crying out loud, please tell me I’m not alone…
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