Thoughtsy Thursday…

I find motherhood overwhelming. And exhausting. And challenging. And yet…the very best thing I could be doing with my life at this point. Does that sound ridiculous? I think 4 years ago, my response would have been, yes.

On any given day, I have greasy hair… Legos covering my living room floor… and spit can be found on every other inch of my red couches. But I honestly can say, there’s not a moment when I truly think that I’d rather live a life without children than a life with mess.

I make my child peanut butter and jelly for the 4th meal in a row on occasion. I vent to my sister about staying at home. And I often feel like I’m treading water. But when I try to figure out the career direction that I want to take that would make me leave this place…make me start over…make me miss the really good moments {and oh, when it’s good…well, it’s inexplicable}, I get a little sweaty. Sticky. And my stomach aches a bit.

I sometimes think I’m an accidental mom. I don’t know that I ever saw myself as nurturing or the mothering type. Even now, I’m ne’er the mom with lots of projects planned out and educational journeys for my kiddos daily. I’m not the one with bento box lunches. I’m the one who still likes to have social outings and date nights with the hubs. I’m the one who just can’t make the leap to a mini van.

But I love our boys.

I should have known. I should have realized that because of how much I love my husband, I would have such a pure, deep love for our children. But {cliche as it may be} I love them more than I ever could have known I would. And that is an incredible force. It makes you do things you never thought you’d do… like stay home, stay up all night, give up food, be a hormonal mess, gain weight. It takes you out of your comfort zone… I have to spray that water where? I haven’t showered in three days. I’ve needed to pee for the last 32 minutes while rocking this baby. It changes your perspective… I thought my stomach needed to be flatter when I was 13? I felt like I was so busy in college. I can’t believe I spent money on that.

And I’m not saying everyone should have kids. In fact, I am very much of the opinion that, if you don’t want kids, you should probably not have them. And I’m not saying all moms should stay home…believe you me…that is the farthest thing from what I’m saying. And I’m definitely not saying that people without kids are less of people because children do not define a person. But our children have changed my life. They’ve set my ship on a different course. And for that, I am eternally grateful. By them, I am eternally blessed.