Things change. It’s a fact of life. We can never go back to being the human we were 1 year ago. Neither reality nor gravity permit it. Our perception changes based on the way life twists and turns and often, what really affects change is the need, at times, for survival. We’ve all had those qualifying events in life. You know, the ones where you start doing something you never thought you would or that you never planned on being a part of life as you know it.For me, the greatest changes have been the changes I’ve made from being a first-time parent to a parent of two. I used to get so annoyed when I had “just” Barrett and people would say “Enjoy it while you can”…I can’t say it enough, in the words of Michelle Tanner, how rude. Let me once again sound off on how royally annoying I find the way some parents feel the need to poo poo any other parents current stage or make it seem like they have it so much worse. For all of you who perceive yourself as seasoned parents, you’ve never parented my children, or anyone else’s so the soapbox you are standing on may not really be the proper platform for my parenting problem. Whoa…tangent…sorry about that…Each adjustment in parenting is just that, an adjustment. As I’ve mentioned before, there is a period of transition, even if you are one of those people who has a lottery baby — the kind that sleeps great, eats well, gains weight in pounds, not ounces, and coos, caws and ahs while you complete tasks around the house. Okay, okay, I know no one has it that easy but you get what I’m saying, easy baby or hard baby, a baby is still a baby.
I was thinking today as I put Jonah down for his nap about the way our parenting perspective changed once we became parents and then again how it changed once we had two kiddos to corral. Aaand, this is so not trying to be about how “…I had no idea what I was getting into” but rather about how our views changed once we found ourselves in the trenches. I often recounted prior to parenting that I would not be judging what another parent did because I had never actually been there…welp, here’s hoping no one else is judging us…
1. Schedules
Before: No way was our life going to be manipulated by our child’s whims. We’d not be the type to break our backs for naps.
After 1: Oy. This boy we have needs naps. Baaaaad. And frankly, this SAHM, needs the predictability of downtime every day. I will do whatever I can to make sure this boy naps, even if it means being as cloistered as an oyster.
After 2: Eeek. Only 8 months to get naps somewhat synced up. The little one doesn’t always get top billing when it comes to the a.m. nap because we’re on the go more and more. But those afternoon naps are still sacred. It is what it is. And sanity, that’s what it is.
2. Baths
Before: Bathtime would be a fun, nightly ritual. Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
After 1: Okay… maybe every other day…or every two days. What’s a little dirt behind the ears? Besides…being too clean doesn’t help kids build their antibodies…errrr…
After 2: Bath, shmath… it’s more of a get it, get out for the little guy… but the big guy gets pruney as he splashes while we put the little one to bed…or squeezes in a shower in the morns whenever time permits.
3. Food
Before: No clue really. Honestly…
After 1: Generally buy organic babyfood. Stick to mostly fruits and veggies, introduce meats and more complex foods around 9-10 months. More finger foods between 10-12 months.
After 2: The eldest ate pb&j for the first 4 months of Jonah’s existence. Jonah started on homemade purees and has quickly gone to finger foods, whatever we have on our plates {Within reason…he is still a baby and needs healthy stuff}, and whatever he can find on the floor…just kidding…sort of.
4. Discipline
Before: I would be firm. Not lose my patience. Replace NO with appropriate redirection. My child would never receive timeouts in public.
After 1: AHHHHHHH!
After 2: AHHHHHHHHH!
5. Clothing & Grooming
Before: My kids would look awesome, daily. And so would I. Also my child would never have bats in the cave or food on their faces because I would be on top of all that boogie business.
After 1: Barrett dressed pretty well but it occurred to me that clothes, well, they cost a lot and most kids, well, they grow kinda fast. And turns out, children often perceive digging around in their noses akin to Chinese Water Torture…same with the faces.
After 2: Barrett wears a lot more t-shirts and warm-up pants… I guess he’s not really into sitting quietly and looking stylish. And when at home, he hates pants. Jonah went Hugh Hefner style the first 6 months of his life and donned footie jams for most every day. Just easier.
6. Correspondence
Before: My children would probably not be the type to scream relentlessly in the back of a phone call. I would always have thank yous out on time. Birthday gifts and such would always be delivered on time. My children would have fun crafting holiday gifts for friends and family.
After 1: I’m slipping… thank yous happen more often in person. Who had a birthday? What month is it? Why do children always talk when you get a phone call?
After 2: Call me after 8 pm and before 10 pm if you have something important that you want my unharried opinion on. Texting is preferred. Email … depends on the day. Birthday gifts… late late late. Oh and those thank yous from Barrett’s bday…well, they’re currently completed and sitting in a box under the coffee table…going on two weeks now.
7. My House
Before: Don’t those moms see the dust in the corners? Surely they do, right?
After 1: Cleaning…hmmm…
After 2: …………………………………….*See here
8. Personal Grooming
Before: I would not sacrifice my style. My hair would continue to be cute. My skin would look amazing. I would continue to shave my legs.
After 1: Oh… if his clothes cost money and I stay home, my clothing budget decreases…and my availability for hair appointments dwindles…as does the budget. My hair starts to grow…both on my head and my legs. I am getting shaggy.
After 2: Must. Take. Time. For. Me. I do a better job of making myself a priority, at my husband’s request. Hair still long because it requires less maintenance but legs shaved more often than not… a step in the right direction. But washing my face before I fall into bed at the end of the day…it’s about 50/50. Clothes though… as long as I am not bringing in the big cashmoney:), this seems harder.
9. TV
Before: I didn’t think I’d care about tv watching. I watched tons of tv and I’m smart-ish.
After 1: Barrett watches about 1 hour of tv on an average day.
After 2: ahem. It’s gotten better as of late but still, more than I ever anticipated.
So, things change. They do. And around here, we’re no worse for the wear. Because we’re doing what we can to survive, shaggy legs and all. And while I do sometimes wish we could do all the same things with Jonah, give him all the same consideration, that we did Barrett, but in the end, it will be our different approaches and their different personalities that define their character and their approach to the world…and perhaps someday, parenting. And hopefully the things we’ve changed in favor of survival weren’t the wrong things but I suppose we’ll never know, huh.
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