This weekend, Adam and the boys stopped by the library for me and picked up some books I had on hold. While the boys and I frequent the library at least once a week these days, it is more kid-focused, especially with Jo on the go. So thankfully, as I slept off the stomach flu on the couch, they scooted off to the library for an adventure. I’ve been reading a whole slew of parenting/mommy/marriage books in an effort to a)grow my career and b)research for my own masterpiece. In this particular pile, I had three I’ve been really excited to read.
With the Husker football game on and the kids down for naps, it was the perfect time for me to dive into one of these momtastic reads. I picked up I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids and I honestly don’t think I put it down. I mean, I’m sure I must have… I do, after all, have two children and the need to use the facilities every now and then. But I don’t recall putting it down. I read right through it. Laughed. Sometimes teared up. And even read tidbits out loud to my very patient husband.
This was a great book for where I am right now. I’ve just been feeling very inadequate lately as a mother, a wife, and really, at most things. I’ve not ever been secretive about my struggle with staying at home full-time and even still, 3.5 years in, I find myself questioning it weekly…and recently, daily. I just can’t seem to figure out how other moms make kid time, family time, work time, husby time and the mythical me time seem so easy and also state that they’ve never been happier. And in a recent breakdown to my, oh so very patient husband, I even noted that I’m pretty sure I’m crazy. So that’s always good. As I am certain some ecard says out there, or will soon, Leave the crazy lady with the kids, said no one ever.
I think it all comes down to the fact that I just don’t always think I’m a great mom. I want to be. I try so hard every day to have that perfect day. The day where I’m cool as a cuke. The day where I do something that leaves a lifelong impact. The day where I play all day and magically the house is still in one piece at the end of it all. And then, it never happens.
Hilarious, right? Because I don’t know that I ever had a perfect day when I was gainfully employed…but somehow that seemed to dampen my spirit less. I look at these little faces that Adam and I have brought into the world and I just want them to experience perfection. Never hurt. Never fail. Never disappointment. But we all know that’s just not going to happen. Bummer. So instead, we attempt to make sure they are the sweetest, most well-mannered, brilliant, well-rounded little men you’ve ever met. Also, not going to happen. But you can’t blame a girl for trying.
So anyway, I’ve been a little coo coo for cocoa puffs as of late. Not like straight jacket cray cray but like emotional cray cray. And you wanna know what I found out in this book? I’m so not the only one. Throughout this book, there are Dirty Little Secrets shared by anonymous mothers and I doubt any of them are you, but wow, if so, THANK YOU. Thanks for sharing your Dirty Little Secrets to make me realize I’m not the only one. Crazy loves company.
So I decided that I’d share a few of my dirty little secrets with you today and if you are so inclined, you may share yours. If not, you are a perfect mother…congrats.
1. I do not like to play. I mean, I like to play for bits of time here and there but I just don’t have it in me to be on the ground as a human jungle gym or pretend to be a gas station attendant for hours on end. And kids probably can sense this about me. Very rarely are little boys running up to me at playdates asking me to do that hysterical thing that I did last time because there likely wasn’t a last time. Obviously I still do play, almost the entire work day. But I’m not really good at it.
2. I quit writing thank yous. You already know this if you’ve given my children in the last year. I recently decided that if you are there to see a gift opened, I just don’t know that I really care if you get a thank you. I’m sure this sounds incredibly gauche coming from the girl who owns a copy of Emily Post and I am sure this will pick back up soon but honestly, if it’s between playing or writing thank yous, getting stamps, addressing them and getting them in the mailbox in a timely fashion, playing will win out. And I just mentioned how much I like playing so that’s saying something.
3. I have, on occasion, thrown a sippy cup away instead of washing it. Has your toddler ever stowed away a sippy somewhere and you’ve gone insane trying to track it down, only to turn up empty? Then, three days later…you spot it…under the seat of the car. The car that, has been out in the garage in 90+ degerees. And you know. You know that this sippy had milk in it. Welp. If it’s never happened to you, you wouldn’t know. But if it has, you know that you would rather lick your toilet seat than open up that curdled-milk-cup. So, environmentally friendly or not, sippy cup be-gone.
4. I will throw clean socks back in the wash if I can’t find their match. This is not an every load happening but there have been plenty of times in the first year of my children’s lives in which I wash a load of laundry only to discover there are 3 socks that have no match. What do I do? Just leave it in the laundry basket. And subsequently, they get washed again and again. And the thing is, these socks have no mates. They’ve fallen victim to the dryer monster. But I can’t bring myself to get rid of perfectly good socks. So instead, they’re realllly clean.
5. When I don’t know something, I tell Barrett we can Google it. I just don’t have it in me to pretend I know more about something than I do. This will hopefully come in handy with any math above 4th grade because my not-so-secret biggest weakness is math.
6. Sometimes I will take a long, indirect route home. My children are, for the most part, really good in the car. Sometimes we chat. Sometimes they “chat”. Sometimes we dance. Almost always, we sing. Sometimes movie watching occurs. And sometimes, I will take a longer, not-in-anyway-close-to-direct route home to a)enjoy the bliss or b)have a longer break.
So, I am sure there are more. I am sure I will think of them as soon as I click Publish. But for now, there are {only} a few of my dirty little gems. Oddly enough, sharing them makes me feel a little less like I’m the captain of the crazy train. Regardless, if you are looking for a good, quick read, check out the book. If you are thinking I’m crazy suggesting that you might have time to actually read, fair enough. If you do like to read but the last thing you want to read about is motherhood when you live and breathe it 24/7, well that can be your dirty little secret;).