Baby Bling…

No, Jonah is not the newest member of the cast of Jersey Shore. He’s not a frat boy in training. And to my knowledge, no girlfriends have purchased any jewelry for him to date. But he has acquired some new bling and it’s got him looking pretty boss.

I’ve blogged several times about teething. Teething and I have a bad vibe going. You will meet people who will say, “I guess I never knew when she was teething”. These people will not include me.

Jonah can be an absolutely darling little man. While he can often seem stoic, once he warms up, he’s quite the charmer. He can be playful. He can be cuddly. He can be just the sweetest of sweet. I mean, c’mon…

Adorableness, if I do say so myself.

And then, well, when Jonah isn’t being those things, he can be teething. And let me tell you, it’s just fantastic. Our children have both harbored great ill will toward their toothers.

Evidence of such disdain include but are not limited to the following:

A frequently stuck out tongue.

An overly tired, exhausted, bird.

Frequent meltdowns.

Tears, Tears, Tears.

Excessive drool. Daily.

Note: Why do I have these pictures, you may ask…well, after Barrett, I got so irritated by people who stated they’d never seen him upset or disgruntled so I’ve started to document it with Jonah. For my own sanity.

Some people speculate that perhaps our boys’ bad bellies {and all kiddos with sour stomachs} and torrential teething are somehow linked. Like, the issue lies in their pain tolerance. Perhaps. And a few others, well they have speculated that it’s really a parental perception and perhaps it’s just because we are ultra sensitive to their whining. Those people can pound sand. I mean, I was a lifeguard for 4 summers. And a substitute teacher. And have sat through sorority meetings. I can handle a fair amount of whining. And then there are some who say that no matter what you do, you just have to get through it. This, above all, we know to be true.

Over the course of the two boys teething bouts, it feels as though we’ve nearly exhausted our resources. We’ve tried the Sophie teether. Another Sophie teether. The “multi-sensory” teether. The general “get me cold” teethers. The freeze a wash cloth “trick”. Hylands Teething Tablets. Hylands Teething Gel. Natural baby Orajel. Tylenol. Ibuprofen. Although Jonah’s favorite by far is to bite his brother. And since we’re in the thick of two burgeoning eye teeth and two massive molars, I was fairly certain we were nearing the bottom of our Mary Poppins’ bag-o-tricks.

In talking with a few friends, everyone seemed to have suggestions. All things we’ve already tried. But then…then, three people in a row suggested Amber Teething Necklaces. Not having done any research, I figured it was something cute that I wore that the child could chew on. So I set out to ascertain one Amber Teething Necklace. It was recommended that I check out Baby Junk in Rockbrook {which, by the way, is a freaking adorable store…think MilkWorks without the lactation consultants}, so off Jonah and I went.

Sooo…Amber Teething Necklace. Not something the kid chews on. In fact, it’s highly recommended that the necklace never get in the child’s mouth. Retailing for 19.95, this voodoo necklace {as I’ve dubbed it} is supposed to provide special healing oils to the one who wears it. The amber beads release oil onto the child as they heat up to the body temperature. The oil releases into the system. The healing powers work their magic as a “natural Tylenol” and bim, bam, boom, even the crabbiest of apples, turn into happy chappies. Ahhhhmazing. Oh, and if you get it wet, just dry it out in the sun and voila! It’s powers are once again restored. It’s the anti-gremlin. Sounds crazy, right? Then color this momma crazy.

I bought one. The woman and mother to two swore up and down that it has been the game changer for both of her children and the children of every single person who has ever thought teething was an issue. And now I feel the need to explain to every single person who compliments my son on his necklace that I am not trying to dress him up like Joe Giudice {ew.}, I am simply attempting to temper his teething. And since it actually looks like a tiny little Mardi Gras souvenir, I also have to explain that he is not a flasher, nor does he want to be flashed.

The verdict: So far, nothing miraculous has occurred. We’re a little over a week in and the magic beads have yet to reveal their ultimate healing powers. I do think the drooling has decreased which will save me sanity on laundry but otherwise, I’ve seen nothing that makes me think his pain is more palatable. I’m not ready to completely jump ship but I’m nowhere near a believer in the bitty beads. I suppose the beads don’t like it when there is negative energy around them but if they are not going to prove their powers, I’m going to have a tough time drinking the kool-aid on this one.

So in the words of my father, once again, it will likely take but a tincture of time and daily doses of Ibuprofen to quell his teething woes and until then, I will keep telling myself that this is building character. I’m just thankful that even if we, as parents, will always remember every little ache and pain our children endure, our children never will. And hopefully, Jonah’s bling will soon start soothing or the beads will be getting the boot.