We were at a lunch following Adam’s uncle’s funeral when my brother-in-law told us. School shooting in Conneticut, he said. I immediately got on my phone to check it out. Elementary, I read out loud. Elementary, I said over and over again in my head. I thought I was going to vomit.
I have been angry for the past week. And sad. I haven’t been raging on about gun control. I haven’t been writing my congressman about the Mental Health System. I’ve just been sad.
For the first couple of days, I poured over the stories as they broke. I found myself searching for answers. Searching for a bolded sentence that read This is why…
I would picture the children who died. The ones who didn’t. The parents who went to pick up two children and instead picked up one. The parents who likely have survivors’ guilt. The teachers who lost their lives for other people’s kids. And the ones who have to return to the school with the others who have all lived this inexplicable horror together.
And I didn’t even know the 26 people. I don’t know their families. I don’t even know all their names by heart.
But here’s what I do know. I have 5 nephews in elementary school. My sister teaches 2nd grade and my sister-in-law teaches high school. And my children will be school aged before I know it. And while I can still hug them and talk to them and hear their laughter scroll through the air, I know that this could just as easily have happened in California. Or Iowa. Or here. These facts have made the anxious pit in my stomach grow. And have prompted even more prayers than usual.
After the initial posts praying for the victims and the families, it seemed like people started fighting almost immediately. Do away with guns! Make teachers carry guns! Our nation is broken! Society is evil! People are hopeless! And ultimately, I had no real opinions to bark. I don’t have strong feelings on guns one way or the other, though I am hearing things that make sense for both sides. I don’t think that I have any real insight into the mental health situation facing our country, though this makes me want to educate myself. And I know too many very good people raising too many very good kids to think that the world is broken. That society is doomed. That evil prevails.
For the first few days, I found myself getting choked up talking about it. But wanting to talk about it. Tears welled up every single time I turned on the TV. But I wanted to know if there was a motive. Because that would make me feel like this was an isolated incident. In church, as a candle was lit and the pastor delivered a stunning monologue in memory, I wept. I wept for a loss of beautiful babies, brilliantly bright shining educators and for the loss of feeling safe.
Mostly, I just questioned how we could all move forward with happy holidays when there was so much hurt going on around us.
And then, Ann Curry came to the rescue. Call it sensational, liberal media all you want, I’ve long LOVED the Today Show. I loved Ann Curry with Matt {I don’t care what all the haters thought}. And Ann recommended a sort of solution. She said that if we do good, we feel good.
If we do good, we feel good.
She encouraged people to do one random act of kindness for each victim at Sandy Hook Elementary
{ #26acts }. And she encouraged people to see the good. And so, I jumped on board {along with tons and bunches of other people}.
As of today, I’ve done 8 Random Acts of Kindness. I am taking my time and thinking of one victim each time. And you know what’s incredible…people do not turn away kindness. They may find it a little shocking — like the guy at Costco — they may find it odd — like the guy who rolled down his window and I threw a few bucks his way. But mostly, I don’t know how they find it because I am doing either little things or doing things that I don’t ever see the reaction to. But they can’t turn it away.
I’m not writing about it for ANY kudos or recognition. I am writing to tell you that it is making me feel better. Better about the good around us. The good of humanity. It makes me transfer my thoughts of the shooter, and focus on the beautiful lives that have been lost…many grossly premature. And if you are struggling with a heavy heart following this senseless, abhorrent situation, then perhaps, it may help you.
Obviously, there’s not a single thing we can do to reverse this tragedy. Policy may change going forward. It may not. The only thing we can control, for today, is our own actions. So I’m starting there. And it’s giving me hope. And hope is essential. Because when we stop hoping, we stop living. And the 26 children and educators who died would be even more senseless if we refuse to live the lives we are so lucky to still have.
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