You know what I never really took much notice of prior to having a child? Drive-thrus.
Drive-thrus are possibly the smartest and best invention known to man.{yes. I am comparing drive-thrus to the light bulb.} You mean I don’t have to unbuckle my 84 children and I can still get what I want? Sold!
Places I frequent more often, and let’s be real, on some occasions, only because they have a drive-thru include but are not limited to:
Panera
Scooters
Sonic
Jones Bros. Cupcakes
McDonalds
Jimmy Johns
Walgreens
Those places get me. I can get a bagel, a nice warm cup of Hazelnut coffee or Scoot’s Flava-of-the-day, a Vegan cupcake {which, FWIW is dairy and soy free}, a Sausage McMuffin w/o cheese {which, FWIW, is also dairy and soy free}, partake in Sonic HH, and pick up my prescriptions, all from the comfort of my little car while my children belt out the lyrics to Fixer Upper and Surfin’ USA. {hmmm…perhaps the mcmuffins and coffee are to blame for the prescriptions…} That’s a win/win/win/win/win x infinity.
You know where I’d go more if they had a drive-thru?
Anywhere.
Anywhere that does not currently possess a drive-thru. I would buy pretty much any product if it were available via drive-thru. Diapers. Feminine products. Children’s clothes. Anything.
And not because I’m lazy. Because taking three kids out of car seats and playing the “put your hands on the tire game” just to pick up one-off items is just obnoxious. Well, then do it when you don’t have your children, you say. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re hysterical!
You know what else I never noticed before I had children? That the malls and most stores do not open until 10 am. WHY 10 am? It makes no sense to me. While I understand that a good majority of the population may not have children, for those who do, a store opening at 8:30 or 9:00 is like the Holy Grail. Because my children wake when the cock crows. That means we have as many as 3-4 hours to take care of business before many stores will even take my business. And by the time they do allow it, one child is napping, one’s in timeout, and the other has a soccer game.
You know where I’ve found myself on weekends or post school dropoffs simply because they are open?
Lowe’s
Home Depot
Menards
And I think we all know based on my Harry Potter head, I am not a DIYer. But I can find plenty to do at the DIY destinations when necessary.
And to Target, HyVee, and Old Navy… you people are ingenious. I would go to these places anyway but the fact that they open early, well, it makes me want to give them a big bear hug. And my money. I can’t possibly be the only parent who feels this way…
I haven’t a clue who originally established retail hours but I propose a recount on that vote. And if everyone could just follow the example of Ikea and provide childcare, well, I would kiss your face. Because if I could get through Target without having to explain what Tampons are or HyVee without wielding a 200 lb cart that has the turning radius of a covered wagon or through Nebraska Furniture Mart without my children pretending the bunk bed displays are their personal playground, well, let’s just say, shopping might be just a wee bit less ridiculous. And I honestly don’t even think my brood is out of control while I run errands. But kids don’t like running errands. Unless it’s to buy them Legos. Then they love errands.
I’m currently at a place where I go about four stores. And those places open at dawn or have a drive-thru. To all of you other people, I’ll catch you in a few years.
And if you know of anywhere that has a drive-thru, opens at 8 am, and has childcare, well… in the words of Liz Lemon… I want to go to there.
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