When you’re a parent, there are phrases that you say until you’re blue in the face. Or until you’re hoarse. So the hubs and I recently discussed creating a new app. Because, you know, there’s an app for everything. We determined that it would be wonderful to have an app that logs the phrases you use most, records them, and then, inserts them into your daily life, when and where applicable. Maybe it will even be called Things Mom Says. Maybe.
While I haven’t taken down any counts, I have a pretty good idea of what might be in my top 10. Because seriously, I’m not winning any points for originality over here. The phrases that have become my go-tos, are used, at minimum 10 times a day… into the 20s… 30s… 70s… errrrrrr…
1. Please take your hands out of your pants.
Because really. All the time. All the live long day. Whether scratching, grabbing, or otherwise, the hands are in the pants.
2. Did you flush it?
The answer is always yes. The truth is always no.
3. It will not fall off if you let it go.
In the same vein as number 1. Because honestly, I feel like they must believe this to be true. Otherwise, why, on God’s green earth, would it seem almost physically impossible for them to let it go?
4. Can you please explain to me why you’re crying?
The crying. Is a lot. And I never really get it. And in an effort to mitigate the damage, I ask the question almost immediately. Every time.
5. How do you ask?
I am not looking for, “in German?” or “loudly.” here. I am looking for the most magical word in a mother’s world: PLEASE.
6. What do you say?
And here, mr. Please’s partner in crime: THANK YOU. I assume by repeating numbers 5 and 6, at minimum, 47 times each day, to two out of three children, eventually, it will stick. Or… it won’t.
Rarely yes immediately. Because I often need to process the question but am being begged for an answer. Hardly ever no. Maybe is a nice middle ground that buys mama a bit of time. And sanity.
8. Do I need to count?
Because I am offering you a get out of jail free card here, kid. So please, take it. For the love of all things good and lovely. Do not make me count to 5. Ever. Again.
9. You’re hilarious!
Kids are hysterical. They are. They say and do the funniest things I have ever been privy to. And so, on the reg, I am sharing with them that they totes make me giggle, snort, bend over in laughter, and make me smile.
10. I love you.
Sometimes it goes like this, “Do you need to potty? I love you.” or “Did you find your shoes? I love you.” or “Do you know how much I love you?”. I’m a big expressive mama! I say the words over and over. And yet, it’s the one phrase that feels like I can never wear it out.
So those are my top ten at this stage in my life. What about you??? Share your broken record with me! And maybe, they’ll be in app someday. Maybe.