“Hey moooom…”
“Yes, Jonah?”
“Ummm… sometiiiime… when we come to Tarrrget… can I get one of doze Weggo Mindcwaft fings?”
“Maybe.”
“Wike. Next tiiime?”
“Probably not next time.”
“But sometiiiime?”
“Maybe sometime.”
“K.”
pause
“Hey moooom…”
“Yes, Jonah?”
“Ummm… sometiiiime… when we come here… can I get a bottle of Mountain Dew?”
“Probably not.”
“But sometiiiime?”
“No. Probably not.”
“But maybe sometiiime?
“Not likely.”
“But I waaant a Mountain Dew sometiiime.”
“I understand but you don’t drink Mt Dew.”
“But I waaant to moooommy. I waaaant to have Mt. Dew. Sometiiime?”
“Nope.”
“K.”
pause
“Hey mooooom…”
“Yes, Jonah?”
“Ummm… the next time we come to Tarrrget… can we get one of doze carts… with the two seats and the seat belts?”
“Sure.”
“Wike next tiiime?”
“Maybe next time.”
“But wike for sure next time?”
“I don’t know for sure but if they have the carts available than yes.”
“K.”
pause
“Hey mooooom…”
“Yes, Jonah?”
“Ummm… the next time we come to Tarrrget… can I get the new Fwozen movie?”
“The new movie isn’t out yet, you silly.”
“But mooooom! I want da new Fwozen movie. I waaant it.”
“I understand that you want it, Jonah. But no one can see it yet. It’s not available.”
“But I waaant it avaywable.”
“I get it but I can’t do anything about that.”
“But sometiiime? Sometiiiime… when it iz out, can we buy it?”
“Maybe sometime, kid.”
“K.”
pause
“Hey mooooom…”
“Yes, Jonah?”
“Ummm… the next tiiiime… we come to Tarrrget… can I get a box of doze fings wike you have in your room?”
“What things?”
“Doze fiiiings. Dat Harrison emptied the box out of the other day. Doze fings that you said were for mommies.”
“Oh oh… no, you don’t need those, Jonah.”
“But I waaaant doze fings. I waaaant dem.”
“Yeah. I’m not going to buy you those.”
“What were doze fings called again, moooom?”
“Tampons.”
“I waaaant da tampons! I waaaant da tampons!”
“Yeah. I’m gonna say no to that. You don’t need them, Jonah. They’re not a Jonah thing.”
“I waaaant tampons! I want tampons!”
“Nope.”
And on. And on. AND ON.
All day long.
Never a dull moment. It seems I’ve got a wee bit of a Veruca Salt situation on my hands. The kid even wants Tampons NOW. If only I could have remembered in that moment that another mom told me that when kids ask, Tampons are actually “Toe separators” {ingenious.} but the kid had mentally worn me down in preparation for that request. I’m almost certain. And while I could have given in and bought him a box to play with, I’m also fairly certain that they would end up in his backpack and out for show and tell. Luckily his teachers already think I’m a lunatic so that likely wouldn’t tarnish my reputation much.
But seriously. Hey moooooom…
All day long.
At least he still wants to talk to me. Silver linings, folks. Silver. Linings.
