It really is a wonderful life

And then, I was diagnosed. Different cancer. Different treatment. But me... With three little boys. A fantastic husband. Not a thought in the world that I would ever be wearing the “cancer shoes”. And yet, just like that… The road detoured. 

Kristen connected April and myself again. Only more personally. We chatted on the phone. I asked her all the scary questions about death and dying and fear and mothering through it all. It was as if I’d known her voice for every hour I’d been alive. She wasn’t a stranger at any point. Immediately, a companion in my story.

And then, a couple of weeks ago, she texted… “My three month scans are clear”. I called her immediately. Like you’d call your sister or your mom. I was in tears. Happy tears. For her. For me. For hope. For surviving. 

And then, tonight, following one of my oh-so-low days, two beautiful women showed up on my doorstep. And I knew her face immediately. And I knew that my friends had coordinated this with Adam. And my tired eyes could not mask my full heart. Because it felt like we were meant to have a reason to meet in this life.

It doesn’t make sense when I say it… That this part of my life was meant for me. That I actually have started to believe that my life wasn’t going to be mine or my story without cancer in it. It makes people think I’m crazy, I think. And maybe I am crazy. But maybe… maybe it’s because it’s not meant for me at all. Or maybe this part of my story is meant for something I don’t even know about yet. Because if this thing, if this cancer, is part of my road {which, it obviously is} and yet, I feel blessed and reap goodness from it, that can actually make me excited for what lies ahead. And that’s a pretty incredible life to think about. One that is full of surprises that we don’t get to choose. 

So again, even in life’s trials. Even in times where the world seems dark. It is at Christmas that I am reminded of all of the gifts that we don’t even know we should ask for or choose. And those, often end up being the biggest gifts we get. Family. Friendship. Conversation. And so many more blessings than we should even be allowed to count.

Thanks to April, Kristen, Chastin, Andy, Missy, Abe, my in-laws, everyone who sent things in the mail {Including the fabulous Wonder Woman ornament!!}… those were just the people who helped me today. Today. It’s a good day to have had. Even when it was a loooooow day. It was a good day to have had. And I do believe, tomorrow will be even better.