It’s a new year. 2016. When did that happen? Wasn’t it just 1986 and I was wearing three pairs of neon scrunchie socks and hyper-color shirts?
Last year, I decided to start a new tradition. I decided that with each new year, I would pen a letter to my three sons. A letter to share my advice, and insights about the current day. And then, some day, in the I’m-not-sure-when future {but verrrrry future}, I will give them the letters from each year, and they can laugh at them. Or throw them away. Or scour and soak up every word. I can imagine which boy would do each of those things, should their current personalities persist… which I imagine they will.. I like the idea of writing them recurring letters… at a time of year when optimism is king. And my rose-colored glasses are perfectly placed. So 2016… the second letter…
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A letter to my three sons-
Three boys. I am a boy mom. I have a house of boys. I am fairly certain I have begun growing fur on my face due to the levels of testosterone that pass through the air in my home. Burps and toots and zerberts are among the funniest things in existence within our walls. And I don’t have a clue why I keep getting American Girl catalogs in the mail… I have no issue with boys playing with dolls but let’s be real, I don’t need the fanciest of the fancy. Because, no girls live here. Except for me. And otherwise, for me, three boys is just right. And no matter how much time passes, I know that, as I said last year, that’s something that I won’t ever be able to articulate enough. I am in love with having three sons. I can’t picture any of you being anyone else than you are. And for that, I feel so exceptionally fortunate.
As a mama to you three, there’s not a day where I go untaught. You are more lovers than fighters — at least at this age. You are currently 6, 4, and 2. And your personalities could not be any more different from the other and although that drives me freaking insane at times, I also declare it, what I believe to be, the beautiful mess of motherhood. Truly, if you were all the same, my life as your mom would be boring. Monotonous. And maybe even draining in a whole new way — repeating the same human, three times over. I mean, that would just be too easy;).
To the Oldest: You amaze me. I believe you are brilliant. And not just because I’m your momma. Because I see your emotional intelligence and at times, it brings me to tears. You have a gift of empathy. And caring. And I pray that it doesn’t get you beat up at some point. You just want everyone to get along and be friends. But then, you also want everyone to get along doing what you want to do. This is something we’re working on. We are the hardest on you, I think. Because you always do what you think will make us happy. As a parent, this makes things easy. As a person who wants to see you grow, I hope to push you beyond that need… and find a happy medium:).
To the Middlest: You inspire me with your mind. You have a sneaky creativity I’ve not yet seen — oh, the stories we have about your endeavors thus far. I see you being the CEO of your own company someday. I see you always being your own dog. I see you testing us, a lot. Because you already do. But as you learn to use those powers for good instead of evil, I feel like very little will stop you as long as you focus on the right things. I am happy that you are your own person. You are the sweetest of the sweet when you deem possible. And you have no limit on energy.
To the Youngest: This year, I decided you were my miracle baby. For many reasons. You are all three miracles to me. But in so many ways, you could have not come to “fruition” and yet you did, and here you are, thriving. I love your energy. I love your independence when it’s present. And I adore your snuggles. We are working on your communication. And your hitting. You will be the last to be pushed around, that’s for sure. But I love what a little combo you are of the Middlest and the Oldest.
I love that you are currently at the age where all three of you will play together. I love that you don’t think each other are completely stupid yet. And that you like to spend copious amounts of time playing, pretending, coloring, and of course, Legoing. You are still loud. But I rarely want for that to go away. I want your noise to fill our house and our hearts. You make us young. You make us full. You make us thankful to be your parents. I want you to never forget that.
I feel older this year. But yet, more joyful than I did maybe last year when I wrote my letter to you. More thankful for life. And living and breathing. And you living and breathing. Your dad and I took a trip to Aruba in April to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. And we can’t imagine any time in the near future where we’d want to not be celebrating anniversaries together. And I have to reiterate that I’ve never been so in love with your father as I am currently. You are the luckiest boys in existence to have his example in your life every day. And I believe I was gifted a treasure to get to feel real love in my lifetime.
In July of 2015, we put an offer in a new home for our family… just blocks away from our first family home. And then, just one month after we closed on the old house, we had a big happening when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was unexpected to say the least. But we are battling through it, just like we Brehms know how to do… as a family. But this list… this advice… this letter and chronicling for you, became even more precious to me. Because I realized, even though I am young, and your dad is young, and everyone is happy and healthy… we’re not always given that guarantee.
2016 is the year… we just closed the books on 2015… and Gun Control is a huge issue on the national political landscape. We don’t have cable in favor of using different streaming options, currently including: Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon On Demand. We watch such little normal TV and it saves us bank each month as cable prices continue to rise. I use Facebook and Instagram daily, and often Twitter. Gas is currently less than $2.00 a gallon meaning it costs less than a gallon of milk at the grocery store. Cell phones continue to rule the world allowing people to forever be accessible {something that I heavily question}. But Amazon Prime will deliver almost anything you want to your door in two days with zero shipping costs so I suppose, technology wins on that end. Barack Obama is still occupying the oval office — but the next presidential candidates are chock-full of interesting options including Hillary Clinton, and Donald Trump to name a few. And no. I am not joking about the Donald. He’s legit running for prez and has some pretty interesting ideas. Star Wars Episode 7 was released at the end of 2015 and there was just a little bit of excitement over that. And Adele came back after a break with a huge hit called “Hello”. Paris was hit hard in 2015, with terrorist attacks and people fear ISIS is everywhere. Liquid water was found on Mars. And, the Supreme Court voted to legalize same-sex marriage in every state on June 26th. All while Taylor Swift just kept making hits. That’s a small snippet of the world as we know it.
Each year, I want to give you a little advice… some, applicable at any stage… some, not until way down the road. But I am writing as I think of them… and that way, when you need it, it’s here.
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1. Go to the bathroom in the toilet.
You might believe yourselves to be absolutely on target, every time. This I can assure you, you are not. How do I know this? There is a gummy, weird substance that lines the bottom of the toilet where the floor and grout meet. It is not appetizing. It is not fun to clean. So point your penis into the toilet and watch that it stays pointed there. Your future spouse and walls with thank you.
2. Don’t be afraid of failure.
Life comes and goes in a blip. This might seem cliche but given all of the fears I had before I was diagnosed with cancer… I have to tell you NOW… don’t let fear of failure stop you. If we all didn’t attempt anything because we felt we could not succeed, it would be a travesty to see everything that would go left undone. Try things that scare you {that are legal, please}. Attempt something you know you might not be good at and see how that makes you feel about yourself and about failure. And then attempt it again and again until you don’t feel like you’re failing {unless you hate it. Then, move along}. Just don’t let fear keep you from becoming the most rad version of yourself that could exist. Be rad.
3. You can’t control everything.
You just can’t. The earlier you realize this, the less stress and anxiety you will cause yourself later. You have to learn to let go and let God. Because you just can’t control life. And trying to will drive you nutty bananas.
4. Stop forgetting that your siblings and family are the coolest people you will ever meet.
Really. They are. And you won’t realize that for many more years. And then you’ll also start to find these people you know as Framily. The friends who earn the title of framily because they are essentially life-earned. So, the next time you want to smack your brother in the face, remember he is one of the coolest people you’ll ever meet. And keep your hands to yourself. Or the next time you think you don’t need to care about the relationships with the people who are always by your side, think again. Family and framily are essential.
5. No one is perfect.
No one. If ever someone has been perfect, it’s yet to be documented. You can strive for perfection. You should try your hardest. But you should never let lack of perfection ruin your perception of life. Or of yourself. Nobody is perfect. But a lot of people are perfectly imperfect. And that’s something worth working towards.
6. Love who you are and who you are becoming.
You don’t need to be that other kid in your class. You don’t need to be just like your brother. The world is boring if we are all one mold of person. If you love reading — love it, invest time in it — but don’t discount that you might also like other things you’ve never tried. Because you are constantly becoming. That’s what life is about, becoming a person… not popping out and being everything that you are right away. Don’t forget that and love each phase for what it is… your life story.
7. Plant a tree.
I’m not one to call myself a tree hugger. No one who knows me would call me a “nature gal” but I do love the beauty of nature. The leaves changing colors in the fall. The white of the snow in the winter. The feeling of sunshine on a 68 degree spring day. Plant a tree somewhere. Give back to the earth that we take so much from. And put down roots somewhere to show that you cared. Be thankful for fresh air to breathe. And don’t throw your trash on the street for goodness sakes. It’s just not cool.
8. Don’t play with your penis in public.
A million times over, we have this convo. The convo that includes talking about fidgeting, twiddling, dry humping, tingling sensations. I get it {I mean, as much as a person who doesn’t have a penis dangling off of me can} but stop. Playing. With. Your penis. It’s for private moments {and that is not to be ashamed of} but in public, it’s just unsanitary.
9. Learn to try food. Like more than one of them.
You are all three currently fairly picky and particular about your food. This is highly irritating because when it comes to food, I rarely discriminate — unless it’s realllllly large offensive onions in something. So, broaden your horizons. Eat a cheesesteak in Philadelphia. A bagel in New York. A reuben in Omaha. Try new things. Otherwise, you’ll suck at dating some day and people will wonder why you’re so high maintenance. And let’s be real, man can not live on mac and cheese alone.
10. Find the goodness.
If there is one things I’ve been gifted this year, it’s goodness. Find the goodness. Look for it. The news will tell you everything is bad. Look past that. There are people who want to complain about everything. Look past that. There are things that are beyond your control. Look past that. Don’t bury your head in the sand. But keep an eye out for the good people, the good stuff happening, the miracles, and the goodness. It will change your life if you let it.
11. {Bonus} Travel.
No explanation needed but travel. Meet new people. Find new places to love. Pick up a souvenir at each stop to remember your adventures. And find out because you travel what you truly love about where you live. Explore. Become a person who understands that people unlike you exist and be okay//even celebrate that. And return happy and rejuvenated.
To my three sons… you teach me more daily than I ever learned in school. And that’s good because you cost a lot more than my degree… just kidding… kind of. I am excited for all of the love and memories you’ve given me so far and am looking forward to a lifetime more. I plan to be around for all of them.
To 2016-
Mom
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Will this become a new tradition for you? If so, what type of advice would you give your children for the future? I have plenty more where this came from, of course… but small digestible bits… one year at a time…
Click here to read last year’s letter.
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