Boobies on the Brehm

And at the time, immediately post my brilliant OncoSurg, Dr. Thayer’s, insane cancer-cutting skillz were complete, Dr. Johnson entered the room. Doc Johnson {of Village Pointe Aesthetic Surgery in Omaha} is a master at his craft. And on that day, he filled my empty breast cavities with 400 cc of air. The air-fill is very new in this area but they find it so effective in the post-surgery stretching process so I was game.

Last week, the Middlest walked in as the hubs and I were chatting. I was taking a bath, the hubs was not {just in case you were thinking otherwise}.

The Middlest: MOM! Wook! Your boobs aren’t gone!

Me: What?

The Middlest: You said you were getting them cutted off! But they’re still there! You said I could see what they wooked like! You lied! They aren’t gone.”

Me {giggling}: Oh, no, Jo. This is what they look like now.

The Middlest: So they growed back?!

OHHHHHH… if there were no children in my scenario, I sometimes wonder how I’d see all the humor in this. Luckily, the hubs went on to explain. And I soaked my not-completely-broken-boobied bod in the bath. Knowing full-well that these boys are gonna see some crazy boobage going on as we get mama expanded {and yes. My four year old has seen my breasts. That’s just the reality of the situation, people}.

I was going to get filled a few weeks ago, but because of my cellulitis, I had to wait for the fills to begin. And on Tuesday, I was cleared {yes. My bacon bit nip is looking much better. Although a bestie of mine referred to it as a roasted mallow so it’s not up to par quite yet} for take-off. And what happened next was fascinating.

First, Stacy {the kickass and lovely NP} used a tool to find the magnet that is contained inside the tissue expander bag. Then, she placed a needle into the centered hole in the magnet. Next, she injected blue dye. Why blue dye? Because if I pee green, they then know that something is awry inside the expander. And no. I’m not making that up. I’m being legit.

{And yes. I made Adam tape the whole procedure AND take pics because when else am I gonna get to see this situation in my life?!}

So, then, she pulled the needle-bottomed syringe and deflated the air. I looked down at my left breast and it seriously looked like a deflated basketball. It. was. bananas. I knew I’d lost air throughout the last 6 weeks but what was really astounding was that they could only deflate 120 cc of air out. So, I’d lost a good amount of air in between.

So, it’s goodbye to the Reebok Pumps and HELLLLLLO to the liquid-loaded cans. With the same needle and syringe, they filled each of my expanders with 300 cc of liquid. Technically, every 150 cc is about a cup size but truly, it’s different on every person, every body shape, every boob. So right now, if 300 cc were to be described in cups, it would be a large B. But they aren’t just B’s… they are plump and perkies. Like realllllllllly plump. Like I forgot to nurse my baby for 8 hours, plump. Like softballs have inhabited my chest, plump. I have already knocked something out with them because I can’t really feel them due to all of my nerves being taken with the tissue.

And yes. The Middlest. Was. Obsessed. OB. SESSED. He watched the whole deflating/fill-er-up scene. Because it was a Tuesday at 4:30 and the hubs wanted to be there with me. And so, the Brehm bros came along. Maybe that’s weird. We’re weird. I figure, at least they’ll know that breasts are just balls of fat with a nipple. Instead of something to be in awe of. Maybe.

I was a little sore last night. And today. But nothing compared to surgery. And honestly, I’m glad to be moving forward. I have to be completely stretched prior to radiation. Because radiated skin doesn’t stretch well. But you can’t have full implants in during radiation. So the temporary tatas are a necessary step. As I said, I am currently at 300 cc and they will go up to about 500 in an effort to overstretch the area a bit prior to radiating the skin. So look out, world… I am about be #majorboobsonthebrehm. The craziest part is that I never would have considered implants at this stage. I liked my tiny contained titties. We were good with each other. But hey, I better start getting used to this because I’m not getting them off my chest anytime soon.

In six-ish months, I will have another surgery where they will drain the tissue expanders, remove them, and insert the permanent implants {in a size yet to be determined. Likely a large B}.

Also, Aunt Flo is baaaaa-aaaaack with a vengance. I know. Personal. TMI. But they told me I could maybe not ever see her again or it may take awhile after chemo to get out of the menopausal state but no sirrreeeee… you can’t tell Mama Brehm’s uterus and ovaries that an egg is not supposed to drop, apparently. So if you’re going through chemo, you could be one of the lucky ones who starts her period ASAP… and also starts growing hair in all sorts of places. My head… my brows… yada yada. It’s like I’m 14 all over again. Growing boobs. Adjusting to a crazy period. And giddy as can be about it all.

I won’t start radiation for a few weeks and this last week… it’s been so so lovely. I got to see some of my high school friends. I got to spend time with the kids. I got to clean. And drive. And breathe in and out… without fear. I’ve gotten to be me. Me with baseball knockers. But me, just the same.

So, boobs are here {and most people I’ve come into contact with have either touched or seen them because… well… they don’t feel like boobs to me these days}. And it will not be an optical illusion if you think they are growing by the weeks. But it’s all part of the process. So holla from the soon-to-be-Tits-McGee, here. And here’s hoping your week is as normal as mine.