I am a sorority girl. Yep. I am one of those. The ones who say “it’s not just four years, it’s for life.” One of those who says, “my very best friends… The godmothers of my children, the bridesmaids in my wedding… Sorority sisters.” And people will often say to me, wow. that’s interesting. you don’t seem like a sorority girl.
But I often find that I make the disclaimer:
We weren’t the typical sorority.
And why do I feel the need to say that? Am I not comfortable with what comes with the idea of a sorority girl? I mean, I must not be, right?
I suppose I just mean, anyone who knew my chapter in college knew we were in no way cookie cutter gals, we were in no way one size fits all, we weren’t daddy’s credit card girls, and we weren’t hazed.
But honestly, as I’ve talked to other grown women who are sorority alums, they weren’t any of those things either. And so I’ve started to wonder how the generalizing of the sorority culture came to be.
Because if what you think a typical sorority is includes naked pillow fights, binge drinking every night, hooking up with every guy from here to Wednesday, and never going to class, well, then you are misguided in your assumptions. Because for me, my typical sorority experience was much more than just beers and cheers.
Instead, it was a scholarship program, a community, a built-in therapist in every room, a late-night giggle session. A group of women who didn’t define who you were but helped you figure out who you no longer were after graduating from high school. A group of women who supported you and cheered you on… Who I was proud to share and wear the letters with.
The sorority experience can be labeled as “elitist” and “privileged”. I can assure you I never had my daddy’s credit card. I didn’t even have a car for awhile… I hitched rides from those who did. I didn’t drink every night away… Though just like in the dorms, there were some girls who did. I didn’t sleep around and shack up every night. But of course, some did. We were not all blonde. And we definitely didn’t hate the girls who didn’t share our letters. The reality is, just because so many women choose the sorority experience, it’s impossible to nail down a true definition of what a sorority girl is just as it’s impossible to generalize what an American girl is like.
And sorority life… The physical four years of being a member, gave me confidence, leadership skills, speaking skills, interviewing aptitude, the ability to know how to interact with all sorts of personalities and to share personal space. It helped me meet my husband. Care more about school. And find activities that suited my interests.
And now, I am a sorority woman. And my circle has not only grown from knowing the classes of members after I have graduated, but also, I’ve learned that although they may not wear my letters, all the girlfriends I have made since college have fit certain “qualifications” so to speak. The criteria I learned about sisterhood while in college… Love, honor, truth.
And now, I find myself saying, “you should have been a Phi Mu. It would have felt like home to you.”
It probably didn’t feel like that to them at the time. That my place could have been a good fit for them. But over the years, I’ve learned from meeting women who have all different letters that a house is really the women who it is comprised of. And so, in that vein, women can find a home in so many different places, as long as it’s friendship and sisterhood they are seeking.
The other day, I sang for “Jo’s coffee shop” {aka the boys’ front room business} and I couldn’t help but think of my tribe. My girls, the bulk who share my letters, and then, the ones who I feel just as close to. The ones who stick up for me. Who we text about diaper rash and crib capers. The ones who come and clean my kitchen when I’m coiled in a ball after a diagnosis full of fear. The ones who sit with me, talking sex and hair loss and hair growth. The ones who when I fall on their front steps, get me a hello kitty bandaid and laugh with me. The ones who talk to me over Facebook and we make up our own lingo and crab about our kids having ‘tudes or brag about them being amazing. The ones whose kids are like a second family to me. The ones who are second only to my real sisters.
A sisterhood. A family of caring souls. A gathering of women who support, love, honor, and speak the truth to one another. A precursor to your mother “hood”. A crew who is stuck with you for life. And to whom you will forever be faithful.
To my sisters, today I am thinking of you all. The ones who share my letters. The ones who don’t. The ones who share my heart. The ones who I couldn’t do this life thing without. And the ones who I would do just about anything for.
I don’t seem like a sorority girl, I am told, often. But I couldn’t be prouder than to have had that opportunity. To continue to have it forever. And to experience love, honor, truth, sisterhood, and forever friends because of a bond chosen after one week and a decision to keep at it for four years.
Of all the things sorority life taught me — of all the reasons that I couldn’t be more proud to be a sorority girl, a fraternal woman, and a sister for life — it is the bond that I learned can be formed with women — true friendships free of judgment, full of understanding, and flush with acceptance of our differences. It taught me how to look for the sorority girl inside of each woman I meet and will meet — the constant cheerleader, the one that loves you when you’re broken, the one who you feel like you have known since the very first thought of you occurred. Because once you enter into a true bond… A real sisterhood… A group of women whom you admire, respect, and can laugh until your side is in knots… Once you experience friendship like that, you know that it’s the only type of friendship worth having.
So whether you wore the same letters with me or not. Whether we’ve met before, during, or after college. I am so happy to have known real sisterhood so that when I met you, I knew not to let you go. I knew what real meant. What without pretense meant. And what being a lover and not a fighter means to a friendship. I love having biological sisters, Phi Mu sisters, and life-earned sisters. Because the comfort of knowing genuinely real women is legit.
To my Phi Mu sisters, I love ya, and can’t live without ya. Having chosen you and having you choose me, was absolutely serendipitous. And not a week goes by where I don’t thank the universe for that. Because knowing what a true bond of friendship can be, showed me that women should support each other, look out for one another, and be in one another’s corner… Whether you share letters or not… Whether you never wore letters… Whether you are blonde, brunette, or a ginger.
And the very best gift of all, is knowing what true friendship is, and what it means to find sisterhood beyond the doors of a sorority and to know just how incredibly priceless that is.
To the women who I know now who don’t think I seem like a sorority girl, just know that is one of my proudest achievements and defining decisions. And without it, I don’t know that I would have found myself because sometimes I believe that it is my sisters that helped me know my heart.
If you, too, are coming up on recruitment, unsure of “if you’re a sorority girl”, just know that it truly is a choice that could set your life on fire. You just have to decide to light the match.
For you… My PM crew… And my honoraries, too.
They are half of my heart. They are worth far more than gold. They are kind, they are true, they’re my sisters in phi Mu.
