I was going through treatment. The hubs and I were on a date night. I wore my cream CC stocking cap. Coupled with a burberry knock-off print vest from my friend, Molly’s boutique (Sweet p and fi). And it was the first time I felt good enough to have a date night since treatment had begun.
I remember at the time, even though I wore stocking caps and not a wig, I felt incognito. I didn’t think people could tell I was sick. Now, this makes me laugh a bit. Because looking back at photos now, I was clearly a cancer patient. But ignorance is bliss, amiright?
So back to the story. The huz and I went out for a date. We went to one of my favorite places, Krug Park, a bar in Benson (a local entertainment district that I might have lived in had we moved to Omaha in the present day, sans children but really that isn’t realistic anyway but whatever) and I ordered a massive bloody mary. Sidebar: So if you are reading this and are a patient or were a patient and were ever curious if I gave up alchohol during treatment, the answer is a big fat NO. In fact, I drink less now than I did when I was in chemo.
Back to the story (#2): Okay, so we went to Krug Park. Oh yes. And I am just recalling that prior to Krug Park, we’d gone to dinner at a restaurant named Taita which was obviously just amazing since I couldn’t even remember it, and then, after Krug Park, (for historical purposes I feel I must tell you that I might have the events of the evening mixed around but you get the picture. Three places. One night.) we went over to one of my very favorite Omaha haunts, Lot 2.
We sat up at the bar. When we have no kids in tow we often like to sit at the bar or at a high top table because we can. I know, we’re rebels. So we sat up at the bar and the most fascinating gal asked us, “Can I get you guys something to drink?” So of course, we did what we do, we ordered a drink. And then. And then we wanted to order dessert. Because cancer. And date night. And heck, because life is better with dessert for goodness sakes.
I asked her about the freshly made donut holes. “Oh my gosh. You will love it. It’s the tits.” Ummmm. What? I replayed it for a second in my mind and laughed out loud. And so did Adam Brehm. Because I knew exactly what she meant by that, It’s awesome. It’s rad. It’s pretty much the best damn thing you’ll ever stick in your mouth. And that saying, and that girl’s face, it’s stuck with the Huz and I ever since. I don’t even care if it sounds crude because when you have cancer of the boobies and someone describes a good thing using the phrase, It’s the tits, good lawdy, lawd, I think it’s some sort of sign from a higher power. We made further small talk with this dynamic, fun personality and eventually, we learned that her mother had gone through breast cancer. And that made “it’s the tits” even funnier to me.
So. That was a long way around the barn to tell you that once again, it’s the tits, people. Like this blog, it’s about them. And they are the focus. Because they are getting a little bit of a reno this week. Yes. THIS week. As in TOMORROW. Today, I speak to a group about my boobs. Tomorrow, they will be taken out. How many people get to say that about their weekly schedule.
I have mentioned here and there that I have surgery this week but I haven’t really gone into the ins and outs because well, I might very well be delusional. Because. I think this surgery is gonna be no big thang, chicken wing.
Things that I am having done while I’m in the land down under anesthesia with Dr. Johnson and his pit crew include but may not be limited to:
- Taking out my current teardrop gummy bear implants. Playing a game of silent ball with them — tossing them back and forth in the OR and everyone has to be quiet… drop the ball, you’re out and you get off your desk. Just kidding. The silent ball bit was just a step back in my mind to my fifth grade classroom with a teacher who, at the time, was the hottest teacher I’d ever met. But the taking out the implants and discarding of them, that will occur.
- Working out a bit of capsular contracture which, according to YourPlasticSurgeryGuide.com (that sounds like a totally reputable website btw. NOT.) is:
- an internal scar tissue that forms a tight or constricting capsule around a breast implant, contracting it until it becomes misshapen and hard.
- This can and does occur on more than many occasions post-mastectomy, as I’m told, because everyone’s body reacts differently when you remove a part of it that was made to be in it. (my words. not my docs)
- Alloderm. According to the world wide web, Alloderm is:
- created from donated human skin. LifeCell’s patented process removes all of the cells from the donated skin, while retaining all of the important biochemical and structural components. This makes AlloDerm® an acellular tissue product which will not result in rejection.
- I already had some Alloderm placed when I had my mastectomy because if you’ve been playing along at home all along you already know that my boobs without the implants are as empty as the tomb on Easter morning. So, structure and thickness needed to be added to allow the breast to adhere to the implant (again, I am not a doctor so I could be explaining this completely wrong but you get the gist. I need some extra padding because my tissue is hasta la vista) and in comes the Alloderm.
- I actually have an extra thin part on my radiated side that I’m fairly certain, if not reinforced, would have caused quite the game of peek-a-boob with my current implant had I pressed it hard enough. Okay. Probably not at this juncture, but you feel me, right? It’s used to thicken up the areas that are missing in my breast cavity.
- Fresh off the farm implants will be placed. The jury is still out on this… will she get round? Or tear drop? Will they be bigger? Or the same size? Well. They will not be the same size as each other because the radiated side will get a bigger implant than the non-radiated side. Funny, right? Everyone’s boobs are two different sizes, Ash, you say. Well. Yes. BUT. Mine will not appear different sizes because Dr Johnson is a mastercrafter.
- As my breasts scarred and settled post-implant placing (the suregery was December 1, 2016), Dr. J has been able to gauge about how different the radiated one is settling as compared to the non-cancer side (aka the perfect boob). So, he will place two different sized implants on the inside in hopes that as they sit and marinate for a bit, they will actually be bosom buddies. Same/same. Fun, right?
- Then they’ll stitch me up using the same scars as entry that I had originally and bim bam boom… new breasts on the Brehm.
I mean, seriously, it’s the tits what they can do these days when cancer tries to wage war on your breasts. For real.
I have to be honest. I know I’m in a current state of disalusion about this surgery. Like, I have plans the next day. Not big plans. But something to get me out of the house briefly. Heck, I’m even planning on calling into my radio slot… on pain meds. Eeeeep. And I know what you wanna say, “Ashli. Take it easy. This too shall pass.” and believe you me, this I know. But I also know just how much easier my implant placing was than my mastectomy. Because to me, the mastectomy was the worst of the worst in terms of recovery. It was the worst of the worst in terms of pain. The worst of the worst in my path… journey… treatment dance.
And I know that I will only have one or two drains. And man, that I can do. And I know that this {knock on all pieces of wood everywhere in all the land} is going to go smoothly and hopefully be my last tweak for a very long amount of time. Or until the next best thing comes out. Just kidding. Sort of. But really. Kidding.
So tomorrow, it’s the tits that are getting the show, once again. And for six weeks, I will be on lifting and arm restrictions. But gosh… when I think about how far I’ve come from two years ago until now — chemo, mastectomy, expanders, radiation, first set of implants and now sort of full circle — well… it’s the tits, friend.
It’s the tits.
**********
And true to what I do here on this blog, I want to share a picture for those who are looking for answers, hope, or honestly, are just curious about the whole reconstruction process.
The weird reality for me is that the further out I get from cancer and the better and better Dr Johnson does on the aesthetics side of my breasts, the weirder it is for me to share pictures of my breasts. I shared my whole path through my mastectomy in a past post (click there to be routed to the post) but that was somewhat easy for me. Because the boobs didn’t feel like boobs as much as some odd science experiment. Now, I honestly have a great set of breasts… even if they are fake and somewhat empty… even if I got to where I am because of cancer, Dr. J (Village Pointe Aesthetics) has been able to create, what I think, is a pretty incredible outcome… even after radiation… and losing half a nipple. And so now, I sort of timidly share a photo of “where they are now” so if you are in between or just at the beginning… or looking for answers… you can know that the results “these days” in this time of breast cancer, are pretty impressive.
So. Without further ado. There is gonna be a picture of my breasts coming up.
Soon.
Very soon.
Like really soon.
So if you’re at work, shut it down, Charlie Brown. Although, I’m hopeful that the fact that “tits” was in the title of this post meant that perhaps it already got screened.
But really.
No kids around, right?
Okay.
Here we go…
But seriously. There are boobs at the end of this blog post, right Grover?
Right.
This is 8 months post-implant placement and pre-second-surgery for tweaking. You’re welcome.
And friend, if you are just starting your journey and have any questions about my surgeon, my treatment, OR my boobage, please, just drop me a line at babyonthebrehm@gmail.com or find me on Facebook on my Baby on the Brehm page. I’m happy to help, chat, or just listen.
