It’s January 2nd. My children are still off school. And the magic of Christmas has somehow seemed to go out the door with the tree. So far today, two children have had two “quiet times” {aka solitary confinement}, one child has screamed, “BUT ME WANT TO!!” 84 different times about 84 different requests to which he was told, “no.” And mama has been searching for “4-year-old obedience school programs for free.”
Mamas. We can do hard things. We can do the last couple of days of Holiday Break.
Oh. And as I typed that, the six-year-old just shared with me that he is going to be preparing his “World Famous Grilled Cheese Sandwiches” for everyone… the process of which is him putting two pieces of bread in the toaster and then smooshing the cheese between.
I am listening to James Taylor on my new and fave Christmas gift — a Crosley record player. Sitting in my office. And thinking about this year that has landed in our laps. Also, another child is currently crying in my lap because he ran into a door that has been in our house, in the same place, since we moved in 2.5 years ago. And now the tears have morphed into lamenting over the fact that he can’t have an English Muffin.
Parenting is ALL the time. Like. All. The. Time.
I do love being a parent. I love that we decided a family was for us. And that after we decided that, we were even given three boys on loan from the big Guy.
But sweet magnolias. It is constant. It never stops.
And I don’t think I’d want it to. Like, if it did stop or end one day, I think that would just be the worst. But the all-the-timeness of parenting is seriously, I think, what keeps me from just totally tearing it up in the mom-category daily.
I was talking with another mom recently. She was saying how if she could go back she would have…
but mama. dadda.
S T O P.
Stop that nonsense.
We can’t. go. back.
We can’t.
We can only give what we have to give of ourselves in any given moment of time.
And we are not meant to create perfection. At least, there’s never been perfect yet, that I know of. So I don’t think that’s our objective as parents.
:: I think our objective is to grow ourselves as we grow these humans. I think our goal is to be present — in whatever form presence means to us, personally. I think our big picture vision is to love these humans with big huge love and to know that that love is really greater than any type of perfection we envision from 80s sitcoms. ::
We can’t go back and be less tired with our infants. We just can’t. That’s not a luxury that’s provided in the early earliness of getting to know a human.
We can’t go back and be more-prepared. There is nothing in life to prepare us for a whole person being constantly reliant on us.
We can’t go back in time and work or not work. We did what we knew how to do at the time that we had to make the decision.
We cannot become less stressed if stressed is what we were. Life is a circus of balancing acts that we can’t always perform.
And can’t go back and be more like another parent. That’s just not in the cards.
…
We can love the things that make us unique and that it is our unique-ness that is creating a whole new wave of humans.
We can always know that some people are better at some things. And others, at others. And that is no different in parenting.
We can give ourselves a high five for making it through one night of sleeplessness. And then two. And then, maybe, a year of it. And know that for that alone, we are rock stars.
We can look ourselves in the mirror, greasy-haired, spit-up ladened, and less magical than we once saw ourselves and acknowledge that no matter what stage we are at as parents, we are still waking up each day and tackling the personalities and the people who we love and also who drive us mad.
And we can look around the room and the internet and understand that almost every parent we know is just doing the best they know how to do given their circumstances, their experiences, and their hours of sleep.
…
This is hard work. Parenting is. It’s work. And yet, it’s life. It’s a good life. And for me, I can’t believe how much I adore getting to do it. But it is not boring. Or uneventful. Even when it is monotonous.
And it will never make sense to me why some believe that EVERYONE should want to have children. Or at least that everyone should have children. Because truly, it’s a shitton of work and sweat and tears if you aren’t thinking it’s for you. But it will always make sense to me that even though we parents complain about our offspring, we also can’t imagine having it any other way. In any other life.
…
Parenting is all the time. Whether you go to work, work from home, or your kids truly are your full-time gig. The kids, like us big kids, will have good days and bad. They will have fits and the shits. They will be joyful and jolly. Funny and thought-provoking. And they will give you more, in the end, than they ever take.
…
Two days left of Christmas break. And yes. We will do this. Onward to a New Year.
…
We don’t get to go back and try again so just do it up this time if you can. Or at least, take a nap.
