I’ve never been a runner. I like the thought of running; the pavement disappearing under every stride, the wind softly encouraging you on your way, the feeling of elation when the endorphins kick in. It all sounds so fantastic, doesn’t it? I see people outside on a gorgeous day running and it inspires me to lace up my tennies and get my run on. And I do. I put on my running shorts {and other clothing, of course}, gear up my ipod and set out on my course. But unlike the runners that I see frequenting the paths, I can tell that something is just off. I just don’t look natural running. In fact, I would say that I am to running as Elaine Benes is to dancing.
Probably my biggest obstacle to becoming an exemplary runner is that it is not until my run is nearly complete that I finally feel as if I’ve hit my stride. I just can’t get settled into my run until it’s nearly too late. When I finally do hit my stride, I do feel a sense of euphoria but until that point, I huff and puff and snort and snuff {yes. similar to a rhinoceros}.
I feel that my relationship with running is a perfect metaphor for mommyhood.
The first three months of mommyhood {or perhaps 4 months for me} were just crazy. I went from being pregnant, having the entire world asking how I was doing … how I was sleeping … how I was feeling… and boom… just like that, my entire being was consumed by a person that I met mere moments ago. I don’t care how blissful Kourtney Kardashian looks on tv, being a first time mom is a bit shocking. Adjusting to strange hours {no, it’s not just like college}, feeding your very own human, pumping, feeding again, kangaroo care, sore nipples, the after effects of birthing a babe {I know, eew}, hormonal upheaval, giving up foods and sporting a constant splash of Eau de Bube … crazy business for sure. This would be the point, in my running life, that I would think about walking … or turning back. But, of course, I can’t… because along with all the hard stuff that comes from being a mom, comes the inexplicable love and connection you have for your newest addition.So, I stayed on course … to the best of my ability.
I hit a point somewhere in the first year where I believed that I might actually be getting the hang of my new gig. I felt almost settled in and sure enough, I hit some sort of bump in the road. For us, I would say the bumps were teething, ear infections, napping and weight gain {for Barrett… not me… that’s a whole other post}. These things ended up being like the nasty hills on my runs … we just get over one and then… BAM… there’s another to greet us. Everyone faces different bumps… whether it’s the adjustment of returning to work full-time, switching from nursing to formula, or any other number of crimps on your course … these bumps often incited frustration and sometimes, confusion. And while I’d contemplated walking before, by now, not only am I walking but feeling like a miserable mess who can’t complete the race. But the good parts of these moments outweigh the bad, so you start to jog once again — the smiles, the giggles, the milestones, they all make you more attached with each passing month. Thank goodness for the water stops — or in mommying, the teamwork from daddy, the advice from moms and the pep talks from sisters — always trying to get you through the next mile.
And of course, just when I was thinking that I might not ever be very good at it at all, I hit my stride.
The one year mark is way better than the three month mark for me as a mom. We’re down to one nap, we kind of get the whole teething thing, I no longer obsess over Barrett’s weight and ear infections have stayed at bay {please knock on any wood around you}. Much like when I am running, I finally feel like I don’t look like a complete jackass now that I’ve hit my stride. I feel less like Elaine Benes and more like Britney Spears {in her Oops I did it again phase, not her recent antics}. I feel more confident, more functional and less stressed. Admittedly, it may have taken me longer than others to get here and I suppose that should be no surprise. If you saw me run, you’d be shocked I ever made it this far.
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