Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day and the entire month of October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss month. In honor of this, Her View From Home is sharing posts all day from women who have suffered all types of loss. I am sharing a condensed version of my story, and my feelings, over at Her View From Home in a post entitled A Mama Broken. If anyone you know has suffered a loss, please keep them in your thoughts today and every day as they deal with the struggle of a miscarriage, stillborn birth, or having in any way, lost a child. And if you have experienced loss on a personal level, my thoughts and prayers {because I’m a pray-er} are with you.
I will often mention to Barrett and Jonah that I have had four babies in my belly. Barrett actually asked a bit more about that recently. And after I explained it as well as I could to a 5 year old, he asked, “Am I having hot or cold lunch today?”. While I know it’s extremely confusing for them, I will always talk about our 3rd pregnancy to honor that pregnancy just as I did theirs. Both for it, and for me. Because that pregnancy left its own legacy in my life, and in my heart. I didn’t just lose a baby one day or one time. I lost a pregnancy and that loss that left me broken at the time. Because I had two healthy, beautiful boys, I felt greedy wanting for more, mourning the loss of one… when I already got to be the mother of two. But that loss prepared my heart for the road ahead… a baby in the NICU. A baby that otherwise may have seemed like he was sick or imperfect. In my eyes, it was perfect to be able to hold him at all. To be able to love him, in person. And that baby that we lost, we loved it no differently, from the moment we knew he {or she} began.
If you have an interest in reading more of my own thoughts and experiences with miscarriage, here are a few posts you can check out.
Loss, Love, and Other Mysteries
Life Happens
We Danced
Moving Forward From Miscarriage
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