“You know, I’d really love to do a job like yours. But then I wouldn’t be able to raise my kids.”
As I talked with a friend the other day, she shared this statement. Not directed toward me. She is a full-time working-outside-the-home mama of two+one in the hopper. And as you know, I am currently a full-time stay-at-home mama. She shared that gem with me, which had been delivered to her from the lips of another full-time stay at home mama. Awesome.
I mean, really people. That is a perfect illustration of why there are mommy wars. And this stuff gets me pretty hot under the collar. Because in saying those words, the underlying message was heard loud and clear… “You know, I’d really love to do a job like yours {you mother who works} BUT then I wouldn’t be able to raise my kids {God only knows who’s raising yours}.”
You know what I would have wanted to say in response to that? If it had been me who was passive aggressively being told I wasn’t raising my own kids? I would desperately want to channel the spirit of Steel Magnolias and shove back saying, GET OFF MY BENCH. GET OFF. MY BENCH. GET. OFF. MY. BENCH.
Because that mom and I are clearly not on the same team. Heck, I’m not even sure we’re playing the same game.
In the game I’m playing… in this whole motherhood business as I understand it…
Some women work outside of the home full-time, plus have children.
Some women work outside of the home part-time, plus have children.
Some women stay home full-time, plus have children.
Some women work full-time hours in three days, plus have children.
Some women volunteer and have a nanny, plus have children.
And some women have a completely different arrangement, plus have children.
And the thing about all of these women with children is… they are all mothers.
And they are all raising their children.
Some moms stay home and forgo traditional careers because they feel like they have to, and not because they necessarily want to. Some moms work outside the home and take their children to daycare because they feel like they have to, and not because they necessarily want to. Some mamas stay at home because they want to. And some others work outside the home because they want to. Whatever the reason, there are mothers who have careers alongside being mothers. And others who do not. And that… all that…. that’s okay.
I’ve been the mom who didn’t love being at home full-time. The one whose personality wanted to spend more time with big people than being at home provided me. I’ve been the mom who was thrilled to be home with my babies and not having to juggle the logistics of a full-time career. I’ve been the mom who loved loved loved having a job that took me away from home and from my children for parts of the week. And while I’ve not worked outside the home full-time since having kids, I’ve many friends who do, and some simply because they love their careers. And for no other reason than that. And no matter the title of occupation, all of us love our children. And our children appear to feel that love without issue.
So if you’re not on that team. The one where we support each other. And where we understand that there are lots of right ways to raise humans. And where we respect the fact that it is not 1952 and women have choices in life. If you’re not on that team… then, welp… Get off my bench.
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