“What do you want for Mother’s Day, mom?”
“Beer.”
“Maaaaoom! You’re being silly. I wanna know what I can get you for Mother’s Day.”
“Being your mom is enough of a gift. And I get that every day.”
…..
I mean, seriously. What else am I to tell my adorable 5 year old who is being as thoughtful as all get out? Because he’s the first reason that I get to celebrate Mother’s Day as a mom. So I should just be thankful for that. But let’s be real. I’ve got a list of things I’d love to get/have/receive/do. Outside of the normal sleeping in {or more appropriate to my current life, sleeping through the night} request. Don’t you?
1. I want to pee alone. I do. I do not want any visitors. I do not want anyone reporting of outside happenings to me while I do it. I do not want anyone sitting in front of me, asking what’s that? I want to pee. Sans baby bjorn. With the door closed.
2. I want to be gifted every missing baby, toddler, and five-year old-sized sock that have been slowly sucked out of my house into the black hole where left socks go to die.
3. I want to have mad Mary Poppins-esque skills, allowing me to clean an entire room as I sing a tune and wave my arms about. This would mean the cleaning up of all playtime activities and toys including but not limited to: scraps of paper that have been cut to shreds, markers complete with matching lid, rogue sippy cups, Legos, and all of the items necessary to play a complete game of Zingo.
4. I want to not be a human burp cloth. And for just one, single day, to not deal with any of the 18 signs that my kid is plagued by reflux.
5. I want a meal completely made of cheese. Cheese for the starter. Cheese for the main dish. Cheese for dessert. Cheese on the side of the cheese. Cheese in a beer stein. Mmmm. Cheese. Don’t worry, I will be back for you someday.
6. I want no one to dirty their clothing. Necessitating no laundry. Ever again.
7. I want a glass of wine. The red kind. Mmmmm. Don’t you worry, red red wine. I’ll come back for you someday.
8. I want every leg hair removed. Not out of vanity. But rather solely based on the amount of time that adds to my shower routine. I should have done this before I ever birthed a child. It would save me at least 3 minutes every time I shower. 5 if I’m going above the knee. {Shameless plug… if you want laser hair removal, call Milan in O-town. Seriously. I’ve not had my legs done. But I would if I had time. End shameless plug}
9. I want to leave my referee shirt hung in the closet. For the day. With whistle. And to not have to administer any time in the penalty box. To any of the littles.
10. I want to not have liquid escape from my body when I sneeze, laugh, or hear a baby cry. And to not have to cross my legs or hold my boobs to make it happen. I would also take not having to wear a bra 24/7 to prevent said leakage. That would be Ahhhmazing.
11. I want no complaints about the food at the dinner table. It’s going to be cheeeese after all! Deliciously gooey, cheesey, shmelty, cheese goodness.
12. I want the word no to vanish from the almost 3 year old’s vocab. For just one. single. day. Puhlease.
13. I want to get snuggles from the five year old that are real. None of this millisecond hug business.
14. I want my hair to insta-dry. Again with the time savings. When did I get so old that drying my hair has become a chore? February 6, 2009.
15. I want an extra arm. In fact, I think that each child you have should automatically make your body produce an extra limb. I don’t even care if it looks odd. Function over form here, folks.
16. I want to look at my children and know that we are giving them exactly what they need, how they need it. To stop questioning every little aspect of being their mom. And to stop feeling guilty/not good enough/lesser than; to put my head on my pillow that night and just be thankful I get to be their mom. But peeing alone would be a nice bonus. For real.
If you could ask for the moon, what would make your life as a momma easier? If only for just one day?
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