I’ve had a fair amount of articles pop up in my Facebook feed lately of a recurring theme… How to get your kids to talk to you. I’ve read a few of the posts and it seems that as kids get bigger than the children I currently have under my wing, they stop communicating with their parents. They don’t want to engage in conversation. They no longer have knowledge that their parents exist. And they do a lot of grunting and speak very few real words. Well, if this is your life, you are in luck today friends. Because sometimes, we moms of youngins are a wealth of knowledge that you forget are out there. You might feel like you have already been here, done this life that we are currently living. But today, I give you my guaranteed list of ways to get my own kids to talk to me… because at this stage, I’ve still got their attention. Every minute of the day.
7 surefire ways to get your kids to talk to you…
1. Go to the bathroom.
This is a sure thing. The minute I plop on the pot, the children are around me like they are ready to roast marshmallows on a campfire. Usually, there is uncoupling of Legos or loosening of a pen cap or any other thing that you can assist with while sitting down. Also, there are almost always endless questions about what I am doing and the answer is easy, everybody poops.
2. Go to the bathroom with the door closed.
If, for some odd reason, the chickens do not come home to roost when you sit on the seat, the closing of the door is essentially an invitation for the littlest to paw and scratch at it like a puppy until I let him in. And once he’s in, the oldest and middlest have to join to have me settle their most recent disagreement. Or ask me about why the yellow crayon is called Marigold.
3. Open the cupboard that holds the cereal and snacks.
Whatcha doin’ moooommy. And if the answer isn’t, “Getting you a snack” then the convo will continue until I produce a snack. And if they don’t get in on the cupboard convo, then I simply try cooking something… anything. Even just turning on the stove top and boiling water for no purpose will signal to them that they want to be right at my side.
4. Sit down to eat your lunch.
I’ve begun to eat my lunches standing at the counter when I am eating at a different time than the littles. The minute I pull a chair out from the kitchen table, I’ve got one in my lap, one who wants to know why I’m eating, and another who wants to tell me about the habits of frogs. And all I really wanted to do was scarf down a sandwich.
5. Answer the door.
My children can be doing their own thing, minding their own beeswax, and then, the doorbell rings and they’re on me like white on rice. And if the person on the other side of the door wants to talk to me, then my children will challenge them to a I can beat you at talking by being louder, saying more words, and taking my mom’s attention contest. And they will win.
6. Get out your computer.
The minute anything that can be charged comes out, it sends a sonar signal to the inside of the children’s ears signaling that they return to the mothership and ask over and over if they can play on the computer or look at my phone…
7. Talk on the phone.
Like moths to a flame. The minute I pick up a call, my children take that as their cue to talk to me about everything that is left in their mind that they haven’t yet eliminated for the day. For the entirety of the conversation. In the loudest most repetitive manner ever.
8. Sit down and ask them how they’re doing.
It’s amazing that this works, but it’s a slam dunk. If I am one-on-one with either of the two older boys and I ask them, how are you doing today? we can usually turn that into quite the convo. And that convo usually has nothing to do with how they are doing but it’s often the best conversations we have all day.
Luckily, I am still in the sweet spot where one of the children is currently completely obsessed with me and the other two still like to be seen with me. So really, I don’t know what age my bag of tricks will run empty. Or when it is that I will become the parent scouring the articles about getting my kids to talk to me for anything that might work. But for now, I’m soaking up the toilet seat convos for as long as I can. And just hoping that people keep calling me and ringing my bell. So if you’re having problems getting the attentions of your kids, or getting them to open up, fill the cupboard with snacks, open it up, and see what happens. And if that doesn’t work, start leaving the bathroom door open. Your 14 year old will definitely have a tough time ignoring that…
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