Do you ever have those moments? The clarifying ones where you are certain of your life’s purpose? Where you know that what you are doing is leading you down the very path for which you were intended?
I’ve had very few of these epiphanies. But last night. Well. Last night. I had one.
As I stood
bridged between the boys’ bedroom door and the Jack ‘n’ Jack door, one hand firmly clinging to one door knob. One to the other. And my legs straddling the bookshelf in between, I realized… I am training for Survivor.
My husband is going to think that this is absolutely bananas. Do you know you can’t bring a hair dryer on Survivor? he’ll likely say. And who’s gonna watch the children during the day, he might also question. Not my problem, I’ll say. I’ve got dreams to reach, I’ll tell him. Because nothin’s gonna get me down from this. Because if motherhood has prepared me for anything, it’s being a contestant on that show.
I haven’t watched Survivor since Doc Martens were just phasing out of their first go-round. But I have a good feeling, it hasn’t changed much. Challenges, sweaty people, tiny swimwear on the women, and of course, lots of raw emotion. So basically, outside of the swimwear business {I’d wear a momsuit for sure}, I think I’m pretty golden.
But why the sudden assurance? Well, because, last night, as I held two doorknobs simultaneously for 20 minutes while a little human was jumping up and down, pulling on my arms*, and screaming at me, I took a little mental trip. And that trip was to a particular Surivor challenge I recall contestants standing, holding onto a totem pole of some sort without letting go. The winner was up there for four or five hours, if memory serves me. And I thought to myself, four or five hours… I’ve walked with an incessantly screaming babe for that long... BRING. IT.
So that Totem Pole business, I think I could totally nail that. Not only has motherhood allowed me to be able to stand in one place with some ease {see above example}, I have also developed a deep mental toughness that allows me to block out extraneous noises and heckling when necessary. And, bonus, I now possess the capability to not pee for hours on end. {Unless of course, I have to jump up and down, that’s a different story.} But otherwise, since having children, and tending to their needs, I pretty much use the restroom once a day. So four hours standing on a totem pole, easy peasy {or no peesy, as it were}.
So what other parts of this motherhood gig have made me pretty certain I could snag that immunity idol every so often? I feel like there was also a kicking and screaming challenge that requires one to hold on to a post while being tugged and pulled by other contestants. As was demonstrated in last night’s activities, I would gander to say that if not weekly than at least bi-weekly, I am called upon to do just that with a screaming toddler. And I always win.
There are always all of those puzzle challenges, too. And normally, I wouldn’t count myself too flush in that department. But my logic and reasoning skills are tested every day as I sit at the dinner table with my children and attempt to determine what exactly they do like. And I also get the opportunity to test my puzzle skillz with the boys putting together puzzles with Spiderman and Lightning McQueen. I’m sure it’s basically the same, right?
And obstacle courses. I mean, come on. I walk through minefields of tiny Lego pieces daily with great success. My feet are toughened up. And ready for the worst.
And of course, there are the challenges where contestants have to ingest crazy foods. I have kissed faces where snot fully covers the upper lip area of the other participant and have done so successfully, without gagging or losing my lunch. So what’s a bug or pig stomach or two?
There was even one episode where the contestants participated in some crazy overnight race through the jungle. I hang out with monkeys every day so jungle animals don’t scare me. As far as issues with not sleeping or being kept awake not of my own volition, well, that’s old hat by now. And the scary sounds of the jungle seriously can’t be any crazier than the night terror phases we’ve gone through with the oldest and middlest. And then, of course, there’s the issue of not being able to see what’s going on in the dark. And to that I offer the fact that I have de-vomited bunk beds in the pitch black night. And I survived.
The absence of showering… I’ve gone longer than I’d care to admit on several occasions.
The difficult personalities of the other contestants… I’ve dealt with toddlers.
The lack of food options that are appealing after eating grass or fish for ten days… thank you MSPI diet.
The ONLY thing possibly standing in my way… my way of actually applying for the show and winning the title of Sole Survivor? I’m not competitive.
Shoot. Shoulda thought of that first. I suppose.
And I suppose that’s not the onnnnly thing. I think I’d miss my kids. And the hubs. And an every so often Scooter’s Flava of the Day. Because I kinda like all those things. So I suppose I will have to forgo my dream. My life resume will have to be void of any Sole Survivorship. The tribe has spoken even before it got started. Because even if some days, or moments, it feels like I’m participating in Challenges left and right, I suppose I wouldn’t really be willing to give it all up.
Because that, well, that’s what all the survivin’ is for {cue the Beyoncé…}.
*If you are wondering if the middlest got his stickers last night, that would be a big fat, NO. Thank you, Daylight Savings Time, for completely derailing the train of progress. You’re a real peach.
You might also like
