Fashion Faux FUggs…

I’m doing something today I swore I’d never do. No. I am not purchasing a mini van. Nor am I getting a tattoo. I am not re-piercing my belly button {my mother’s reaction was so good the first time. Not something I want to relive}. And I am not taking Barrett to the Amazing Pizza Machine all by my lonesome. I am however, wearing leggings. With Uggs. I know. I’m a sellout.

First, let me start with the Uggs. Adam and I are heading to Colorado in a month with 15 friends. It is, of course, a ski trip. I am, of course, pregnant and will not be braving the slopes this season. Nor will I be hot-tubbing. Nor will I be drinking. So, I decided that if I was going to go be a ski bunny, I wanted to be warm, cozy and festive. This is where the recent affinity for Uggs came in. First, let me back-up a bit so you can know my good and bad battle with Uggs. When I was in junior high, we traveled to Tampa to spend Thanksgiving with my ridiculously cool and classy Aunt Deb, Uncle Hank and their two boys, Charlie and Tim. While there, I walked around in these fur-filled boots that my cousins and uncle would wear to keep their feet warm after surfing. I loved them. They were so soft. They were comfy. You didn’t even need socks. And if you’re me, and you are always missing 50% of the pair, then no socks is a true bonus. So I loved them. Fast forward 10ish years. Girls in short jean skirts are donning this familiar fashion at the mall, the movies, church. Furry boots and jean skirts. Far too trendy for me. I swore I would never do Uggs. Not on those terms.

But this winter, with Grin in tow and Barrett on the go, I’ve found myself wanting skid and sludge proof footwear. I have basic black boots that make me fear I will fall and not be able to get up. I have basic black flats … which means I need lots of matching black socks {which my dryer seems to desire as much as I do} … one to wear at the beginning of the day and one to throw in my purse to change into once I step in the sludge that has taken over parking lots and driveways. And of course, I have those options in brown as well and a few pair of red heels {because it is my belief that you can rarely go wrong with red heels. Don’t believe me…ask Dorothy}. So, the ski trip and a dose of practicality had me on the search for Uggs or something similar. Flat bottomed, skid proof, warm and cozy shoes that would be good for braving the midwest monster months {which I of course, love}.

Lucky me. I found a website selling Uggs for the spanking sale price of $93 instead of the $180 that was quoted everywhere else. Too good to be true? Of course. My husband has since taught me that anytime a website ends in .la rather than .com, that’s a red flag. Also, when you purchase something that you think is based out of LA and the credit card charge runs through China, that’s a red flag. And, when the emails exchanged to cancel said order are in broken English, it’s a red flag.

Dear customer,

Thank you for your letter !

Please before ordering, carefully read the requirements on our website,this is our company policy,we will refund you 75% of the payment,the balance will be our advertising ,labour…and other costs.If you can accept ,please let us reply us.

Sorry for any inconvenience.

Looking forward to your early reply.

Best regards.

Customer Service 3

So, now I have FUggs. They look real enough. I’ve compared every inch to the pictures on the real UGG Australia site…in the counterfeit education section, no less. But I’m about 92% certain they are faux furs. Or they’re hot. And while I didn’t initially care if I got real ones of knock-offs, for $93 of my hard-earned charity bucks they had better not fall apart in one season. So, now I am making banana bread outta bad bananas and wearing my FUggs.

But you know what goes really great with tall, black FUggs? Apparently, leggings. That’s what all the cool people appear to be pairing with their plush pups. In fact, I have many a friend who rock spandex like it’s nobody’s biz. But I am a pear. My thinnest point is my waist and my thickest, my thighs. I weigh 145 pounds and I would gander to say about 75 of that sits between my knees and my waist. So really, I have no business wearing leggings. I swore I never would. Not after 1987. But sure enough, I bought $6 leggings at Target and I am doing this. I did already test them in public. I wore the ensemble to the Gap and asked my friend Jeff, who manages the store and I believe has a good bit of fashion sense. He said it doesn’t look inappropriate so for now, I am going with that. As long as I don’t look “inappropriate” I suppose it’s a win.

So, FUggs and Leggings. I’m a poser for sure. But I don’t care. My tootsies are toasty and the wasteband on my elasti-leggings is a welcome change for Grin’s growing grounds.